Does she realize that something is broken inside of her?
I would be so much more encouraged if her response to you was that she loved you with all her heart and couldn't stand the thought of losing you. Or maybe something along the lines of realising the mess that she had made of things.
So now you face a tough road my friend...
Because I know that you still love her.
And what if...
I know that you've talked, and I know that you cannot share with us everything that is said between the two of you. At some point she MUST realize that not wanting a divorce is not enough. There must be some action involved as well.
If I don't pay my electric bill for months in a row, it will get shut off. I won't want it to get shut off, but that won't be enough to keep it turned on.
I have to pay the bill.
Obviously this is a bit more involved and meaningful than a utility bill, but the concept is surely similar.
You've been there through all the mess of the past year and a half, you've been strong for her and your children. You've done 180's, detached, worked on yourself. You've tried to walk along side her through counseling, whether on her own or for the two of you together. You've found a way to work your way past her repeated involvements with others.
Now, as so often happens, when you've reached peace with moving on in a real and tangible way, she is afraid and wants it to stop. I mean, damn, these are the words everyone wants to hear from their wandering spouse. But you don't have to read for very long on this board to realize that the WORDS are not enough. That those who change their course JUST because of the words, are often right back in the same place months down the road.
I believe that she can show you that she means these words. Despite her challenges and the issues that she battles, I believe she has the ability to make her words reality. And I believe that your love for her would allow her to do so. I believe that your love for your family and the potential future you could have together will compel you to allow her the opportunity to do so.
But it's time to "woman up" so to speak.
It's time to stop chasing other men. It's time to stop acting as though she could care less about YOUR life. It's time to start acknowledging that there has been something wrong inside of her, and agree that it's time to do something about it.
You've drawn the line before and she crossed it. It's time to draw a new line, one that the two of you decide on together. This needs to be a different line though FIB. This needs to be a line that you WANT her to cross, because this should be a line that lets you know in your heart that she is serious about coming back to you.
I hope you noted the "together" part of that last comment. It's not time to issue commands. That's not part of a loving relationship. That's not communication, it's authority speaking.
Wow.
Seems like every time I think you're getting close to a place of peace, your story changes direction. But you are in a strong place now, hopefully a good place now to be able to deal with what lies ahead.
Stay the course.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
