I went back and read some of your first posts. You've been dealing with this for over a year! Longer if you count the first A. Have you ever gone back and read your old posts? (I find it helpful to go back and look at mine, like reading old journals.)
From one of your first posts:
Originally Posted By: lovelyolive
One of my biggest concerns is for myself.. Even if we get back together, have I compromised who I really am and what I stand for by allowing him to have two affairs and come back to a marriage with me?
It's a different struggle for me this time. The first time it was a feeling of fighting for my life. This time... I don't have a clear direction of what I really want to do.. It changes minute to minute...
You've been living minute to minute for a long time. If you know that song from Rent, there are 525,600 minutes in a year. That song is about measuring life in love. You haven't had any of that in a long time.
I can't believe you've been doing this so long. I would have gone off the deep end months ago. You can't say that you didn't try. You gave it one h3ll of a fight. The one thing that has been consistent is your H's waffling. He was on that fence so long he probably has a splinter in his a$$ that is buried so deep it's going to be with him for the rest of his life.
So, again, what Sara said. You're definitely a person of compassion, honesty and integrity. You deserve better than what he's given you. You probably got the best part of him, your D.
