The new phone is the one I got him on the new every two program with our cell phone plan. The one our S found is the old "secret" one that I uncovered proof of when the whole EA thing came out in the open. This is the one he has told me he let ow have to use and pay it until the contract ended, instead of him having to pay the disconnect fee. He does not know I have proof he still has it, however at this point, I do not know if he only kept it and lied about it, because he knew I would not like it, I don't know if he still uses it to contact ow. There is so far no indication of it. However, I have kept quiet about the "extra" piece of jewelry he bought at Christmas, wondering if he got it while he had the money, because it is a gold heart, and there is the off-chance it's for the holiday coming up. I found the receipt for these three pieces of jewelry, and if he did not get this "extra" piece for me, then I will soon after this weekend, give him the receipt I found, and tell him I guess he dropped it, and does he need it back?
And as for what am I doing for me, I am looking into selling stuff on ebay, need to get that going with our S who, luckily is into photography.
I am getting the house into better shape, slowly, and have started projects to make it nicer. Lots of painting coming up, soon.
Also, I love folk-art painting, and am thinking of getting into it again. You, know painting on old barn-wood, and stuff like that.
I am also getting bolder with my H, when I feel he is mean or being an a**, and he notices when I draw back from him, which I sometimes feel I need to do. He actually said something about it.
He also says ILY first a whole lot more, and said I am getting much nicer. Of course he then will say I am still being controlling at times, but oh well.
I rely alot on my faith to get me through, and yesterday our preacher told me that the pointed sermons he has been preaching are aimed at several in the congregation, including my H. And he said if there were any other subjects I would like him to touch on, to let him know. He is getting married this weekend. I am really thankful God sent him to our church.
Last night, I had a dream where my H's female cousin brought over H's brother and two foreign men to our house, then somehow all these other people ended up in our house, about fifteen of them, women and children, and all sat down to wait for me to fix them breakfast. All while I was still wearing my long red nightie. Then I saw a jacket lying on the sofa with a long antenna hanging out of it and I told H that it looked like he was about to lose something, and I pulled out the antenna. It was his old "secret" cell phone. Then just as I turned to my H to hand it to him, the alarm went off.
I actually told my H this whole dream, and then I think he asked me something, and I said I thought it meant he still had the old "secret" cell phone, and didn't want to tell me. He said why? I said becaue he told me he had gotten rid of it, but I thought he still had it, because he didn't want to pay to get rid of the contract on it (He is a Scotsman, you know) but was afraid of telling me, because he was afraid I would be angry.
So, I pretty much left it at that, something for him to mull over today at work, and who knows maybe the truth will come out.
And, I did NOT make up this dream. I wonder what it means???
So, jak, you like artsy stuff like that? Ahh, but do ya like Masterpiece Theatre???
Well, Valentine's Day is over and with it my hope that H is not buying jewelry for "someone else". The receipt stated that it was a gold heart pendant. He got me piece of jewelry, but it was a bracelet, with little gold hearts on it. So, I am pretty darn sure the store didn't mix it up that much, not when the other two pieces of jewekry on the receipt were exactly as described on it.
I got somewhat withdrawn after we exchanged gifts, he didn't even get me flowers this time, and is the first Valentine's Day he didn't get me flowers in over twenty years. Our S asked him if he got me flowers and he said no. Then this morning he said something to me about flowers, and I said wow, it is the first time you didn't get them for me, and he said the stores were too crowded and he didn't want to go into one of them. I said jokingly he could have called the florist, and he said you know why I won't do that. I said I couldn't believe he was going to punish me for the rest of my life for an incident that happened twenty-three years ago. I mean if a florist delivers flowers that start to fall apart the next day, wouldn't anyone say something? And wouldn't any other H even notice?? He told me he wasn't PUNISHING me, he just felt almost as though he was the victim of a crime, because a friend of his at work had recommended the florist to him, and I apparently told him to tell the friend the florist sucked. I am sorry, hurts that he has done to me over the years, I don't dredge up to throw at him like that. Like after our S was born, all the other mothers had beautiful arrangements on their doors, but not me, and my H didn't even send me flowers or even go buy some to bring me. My mother noticed that my door was the only one without any decoration, and took it upon herself to put a decoration on it. I asked him if he had been punishing me even at that time. I decided to ask him about that, even though it is the FIRST time I have said anything about it after fifteen years. He holds everythng against me that I have ever done. He also said he was very thoughtful about what he gets me as a gift, and he wasn't sure I even appreciated it.
Today while he was at work, I was trying to get him on his cell. He would never answer. I needed to ask about what time he wanted to go out for dinner tonight So, I called *67 and the secret cell number and after a few rings, it went to answer, a generic answer. So, after a couple of hours, I tried my H again, and still no answer, I called the secret cell again, and this time I FORGOT to *67 it first!!! OOPS!!! No answer, anyway, but now H knows I know he still has it. When he finally answered his phone, he apparently had not yet looked at the secret one to see who had called him.
Anyway, I went shopping for something new to wear, and the whole while I was thinking that Yeah, I hope he does say something about it, because that will let him know I AM NOT AS BIG A FOOL AS HE THINKS!!!
So, I am wondering how to broach the subject of the receipt. I am thinking of in a few day, saying that I found it just that day while gathering up cleaning or something. And did he need that receipt for anything. And that sorry I saw the price he paid for my jewelry. and that there was another piece on it that I was curious about. Just to see how nervous he will get and what sort of lie he will dream up.
I know this is a long post, but crap!!! I am so tired of all this garbage, and I know I am standing for my M, but it seems like the ow is also standing and waiting for my H. stupid, stupid cow!! I need to go and pray for the Lord to guide me in how to handle this.
cat and jak, I hope you had a great Valentine's day. Mine would have been great otherwise. I think I need to give my H the five LL to read, I don't think he understands anymore than he says I do about our R. Although, he did say he didn't think he had EVER done anything wrong in our marriage, but all the wrong was done to him, by me.
Sorry for all the ranting, but I don't have anyone else, and don't want to burden our S with all this mess.
hey vc, unload all you want hon, unload 'til you feel better.
Well, seeing that just recently I jumped to conclusions and screwed up majorly I'd go for the simple truth "H, I found this receipt and I was wondering what the heart pendant was about since I didn't get it". Short and to the point, same for the phone, it's just enerving to be sitting there wondering 1000 posibilities "H, I believe you still have that secret cell and it is still active, I want us to be honest with each other and I want to trust you, do you still have it?".
I know very little men who worry about decorations, i'm frankly surprised the other moms had decorations on their doors, I dont' remember seing any when I gave birth twice on others doors. At the danger of playing devil's advocate I'm tempted to say he didn't mean to make you feel left out. And the thing about the flowers reminds me of one day when my H and i were newlyweds, a few weeks perhaps, our appartment was a mess and H said "this is unaceptable, what a mess" and I thought it hilarous since his room at his moms was a total pigsty so I mimiked him in a silly voice what he had just said... it was the first and last time ever he cared about messes, he never again attempted to show interest if the place was messy or not. And flowers shouldn't fall appart one day after delivery, but perhaps (dont hit me) it sounded ungrateful that you complained about it, he took it as a personal failure that he couldnt' please you even though you were mad at the florist not at him.
Funny you said your H hold grudges, I never believed mine did as well (only during these past 2yrs he brought up stuff that I did eons ago that hurt him) because the things my H remembers I don't, and there are quite a few things I remember that he doesn't, so perhaps whatever he is holding a grudge about doesn't seem rational to you because it wouldnt' hurt *you* but it hurt him.
Quote:
he didn't think he had EVER done anything wrong in our marriage, but all the wrong was done to him, by me
and I'm Cleopatra...
Hugs hon)))) good luck with bringing up that stuff to your H, remain calm and keep the tone of your voice even when you do.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I agree with Cat. You need to ask H straight out about the Jewlery and the phone. I think he needs to konw that S found the phone too So he knows that this goes farther than just the two of you.
Our H's like us don't know what they did at the time to hurt us and visa-versa. we don't know what we may say or do to hurt our S's at one time ro another and never will unless it is brought to our attention. Maybe saying that your sorry he feels the way he does about the past hurts but, that he has also hurt you in the past you just let it go and hope that he can forgive you at some point. But thats just my suggestion you need to do what is right for you.
Hugs, and good luck.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
