Just thought I would post a quick update. It has been a week since contact was ended with the OM. My W is in some withdrawal, or at least that is what it looks like to me.
My W is walking around like an empty person right now. I have heard her use the word "numb" when she describes herself. It stinks to see her in so much pain, but it is also good to see her in pain, if you know what I mean. If she was happy and giddy I would know the A was on-going.
As much as I want to reach out and 'help', I can't do it. She has to help herself. This is a hard lesson for someone like me who is a 'fixer.' I have learned I can't control her, or fix her, be her therapist... none of that stuff. I just have to be supportive, like I said I would in my wedding vows. But I won't 'save her' from the consequences of her actions. She has to do that.
I do have a current issue with one of her 'friends' who has been enabling the A for months, and I think continues to be a conduit for information between my W and the OM. I am working on applying pressure to nip that.
I have read that there should be about 3 weeks of hard withdrawal for my W. 1 week complete. Hoping for no setbacks. Just have to stop that 'friend' of hers from enabling her and the OM to have indirect contact.
Each day, I am doing better. Starting to be able to focus on work again. I can't believe it has been only 15 days since I exposed the A, and roughly a month since I found out about it. It feels like years!
I can say without a doubt that I am going to be just fine, with or without her. We all are going to be just fine, with or without our spouses. I think it was that realization in particular that gave me a BUNCH of inner strength I didn't know I had. While I certainly want to be married and continue to build a great life for my kids, wife, and me, I know I am now not bound to the outcome of this sitch. I am only bound by the journey I am on. When we get tied to desperately wanting an outcome, then I think that is where we reach a point of feeling hopeless or helpless. But letting go of the desired outcome is the key, at least for me. Focus on the journey at hand, and try to enjoy it. Worrying about the destination only makes the journey much more difficult.
