Edie, Your H sounds fairly defensive. I don't like his response to your request to have your car back. I'm concerned about his failure to accept that he has something to work on in marital therapy.
I'm wondering in general about how respectful he is to you.
thanks for coming by.
In response to the car: H's car died over the summer. We made a decision together that it would be better for us financially if we only had 1 car. We had planned on doing that for a few months - probably to Christmas time. This was something I suggested and H agreed to. He said he never suggested it because he didn't think I would go for it. I used to commute by train to my old job and loved it. But a lot of us did. I was OK walking during Sept, Oct, Nov and even December. But by then it was getting cold and dark early. I started to hate it. I made it through most of December without a problem. Then we had a week and a half off at the end of the month. Walking became an issue when I came back to work after the holidays. I was just plain sick of it. In the meantime, the car guy had/has been giving H the run around. Telling him he can get the parts, he will just fix what needs to be fixed, etc. H also isn't a very pushy guy at all and spent plenty of time not calling him when he should have followed up with him in a timely manner. So, I ended up telling H in January that I was sick of walking. I wanted my car back. He said OK and rented a car. He would rent a car on Monday, return it on Friday. This has been going on for about 4 weeks. He never once gave me an argument about it, until Friday night. Friday night was an issue, not because he didn't want to give my car up, but because I was *furious* about him assuming I would be ok with walking. In speaking with him further about this on Sunday, he said that he didn't mean to assume anything and was more just trying to bring up the topic with me. H was frustrated because I didn't show any enthusiasm AT ALL when he said his car would be ready on Monday, because I was already irritated with thinking about how the heck we were going to pay for it. Saturday, Sunday and Today he has asked me if I would rather he rent a car. It's not so much about me walking home as much as it is about the perceived (me perceiving) H assuming I'll just go with the flow and do what he wants.
In regard to the material problems - H is aware that we have issues. He knows he doesn't want our M to be what it was. He is fully aware that he has stuff to work on and change. (this is what is said in cooler moments, not heat of the moment arguments) He has seen counselors in the past - for our sitch and also prior to us even being married. It's not that he is against counseling as whole, he just isn't ready to go there yet. And that really is ok with me for now. He said that if I really wanted to go he would go along, but doesn't want to deal with this with a MC right now. Is this unnerving to me? Yes, absolutely. I'm working with what I can right now.
Will post more later - i just had some students enter my room...
Me: 34 H: 39 M: 7 yrs H A 12/05-8/07
If what you say surprises me, I must have been assuming something else was true. - M. Wheatley
