Meredith - your 5 years..

[cagzmom]

Meredith. I guess where I am "lacking" is that I didn't SEE myself as the strong one. Just now am I awaking from the cocoon that I have been in - I had lost myself in him --- yet it was he who was weak not I. Strange huh?

Short scoop story. In North Carolina NO NO divorce until 1 year from date of seperation. So...the year is coming up soon. The seperation and paper work has been in play for a year-- we ended up in mediation in December (money) and I am glad that I have protected myself financially. His credit is so bad now that he can't even get a new apartment. So in that I am thankful for legal seperation. BUT this is where I am...

Many of those who love me are asking me if I am goign to file in March - you know they say things liek "Beat him to it.." Or you are sepearted he has moved on it is time you do..etc etc. At this time I dont know in my own personal heart if that is what I SHOULD do. You wrote in your post that you had a calmness when you finally did it...and I guess that is my question. What brought you to that calmness?

Me? right now if I did it it WOULD be to say "See" or to try and get a reaction and that was who I USED TO BE.I am not htat person anymore. BUT on the other hand, he has moved on...and maybe by filing it will allow me to truly let go. See- I do know this. The man that I love today is deep inside this monster....and right now the monster is done with me, our family everything. The ONLY way I will have a new marriage with this man is if the monster is dead -and a new man emerges.

So, what was the "Turn" in you? Where did the calmness come from? AND in regards to going dark..how do you do it when you have to share your child/children every/other weekend with the dork?