I've tried and tried to come up with some witty name for my thread and my mind is blank. I thought about "Leave the Pieces" by The Wreckers because I feel like that's what I want to say to my H. "Just leave the pieces when you go". Maybe I'll use that in the future.
Here's my last post from my previous thread.*******************
Well, I did ask H if he worked yesterday. He looked at me like I was crazy. He said, No, I told you I wasn't going to. I asked what he did. Again, the crazy look. I told you that me and 4 other guys were doing a community service project in (Town nearby). HUH??? I just told him that he'd mentioned the one a few weeks ago, but he did not tell me about this one. I gently reminded him that I have a very good memory and I wouldn't question him if he'd told me. No big deal. No argument or anything from either of us. Thankfully no job loss for him either. As much as I think H needs to start hitting bottom, him losing his job at this time would not be good. And yes, I know the community service deal sounds like it could be an excuse. I was more concerned that he'd lost his job than where he'd been at because I couldn't change where he was & who he was with.
I did have a good morning. My dad came in town to get his taxes done by an old family friend. We met for breakfast and then he headed home. Funny...I got up and started getting ready. Here came the questions....where are you going, what are you doing afterward....etc.
Need to take advantage of the quiet time this weekend. I'd love a nap but I need to get some things done around here. Oh yeah, I need to figure out my checkbook......seems H is short on money because he didn't meet even the lowest bonus level and he needs my help to buy our groceries. If it were anything else I'd probably balk at it, but it is a necessity.
My mind feels like it's in such disarray right now. I just can't seem to stop bouncing from feeling very level to wanting to crawl in a hole and just leave it all behind.
On Sat. H came home with wine and made a great dinner. We watched a movie and just hung out. I was surprised when he didn't answer his phone the few times it rang. H did get on the computer at one point during the evening. When I walked by he quickly shut down what he was doing. I let myself get caught up in that and asked if he was emailing OW. He told me no. I said, H, I know I can't control what you do, but I will ask you not to email her when I am here. I walked away.
Sunday I slept in. I haven't done that in ages. It felt so good. We went to our storage unit to get a few things out and put our Christmas things back in. It was hard to be there because there so much of "us" there. Things we hadn't really looked at in a few years. I saw a box that had letters in it from H to me from years ago.....signed...I'll love you forever. We headed to the store after that and then just home. Pretty uneventful. We haven't spent time together like this in a long time. Nothing major, just time together. I think H even started to relax after a while because he slipped and called me Honey. He quickly realized what he'd done and backed off. Last night he even brought up some things that we'd done in the past and a picture that he found of us with 2 friends from years ago.
I let my emotions take over this weekend and this has thrown me back into that raw pain again.
I miss D3 terribly. I won't see her until Friday. H was on the phone with her and told her he missed her too. We also got a package ready with a card from each of us to send for Valentine's Day. Oh yeah, that doesn't hurt at all either!!...all the damn commercials about what to get the love of your life for Valentine's Day. OUCH!!!
