What's the goal? And ask yourself over and over - "Are my actions getting me closer or farther from the goal?"
This advice is what you'll get from DB coach as well. The hardest part is that some of the things that work seem counterproductive. You are doing well to stay in control of your emotions. The police makes sense given that she's playing a lawyer game. Don't sweat it. But if you can find any areas in which to STALL do so! And it's ok to say things like: "I do not want this, I want to stay married and work to make our relationship better." Then go ahead and do whatever it was she said she wanted...you don't have to act like you agree with her and this is a great idea. It's the stupidest, most immature thing you ever heard but she isn't willing to hear that.
From my experience spouse was like a swimmer in a hurricane and she kept knocking into things and banging up against the shore...smack, bang, whack! I tried to stand still and dig in so that when she banged up against me she felt strength because god knows she was not capable of using whatever strength she had. It's not unlike a child throwing a tantrum.
Make sure you get your anger out someway so it doesn't seep out in conversations with your wife. This is the most insulting thing one human does to another and it hurts like hell!
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
