Who are you and what have you done with our Corri?
{Peels of giggles and laughter...}
I'm working on 'doing more' and 'talking less.' <-- at least, that's the action plan. Soften up and lighten up, mentally... toughen up and strengthen up, physically.
Yesterday, my electricity went out about 11 a.m. It also happened to be the coldest day/night of the year so far (a whopping 3 degrees, thank you). About 10:30 p.m. last night, it was a balmy 46 degrees in my house. I was in layered in warm clothes, wrapped in my robe, make shift bed (lots of blankets and pillows) in front of my fire place. Computer/iPod were out of juice, there was no one to call or talk to... it was QUIET and very DARK.
And believe it or not, for the first time in a long time, my mind was free of its incessant, incessant chatter. I had nothing to do, there was no where to go (I did read/write for a time, but I can't do that too long in dim lighting... hurts my eyes)...
Believe it or not, I felt great. I was happy/content. Stripped away of every modern convenience, I am, astoundingly, a very calm, very content person. It's all the schit I throw on top of that kinda cool woman that makes her nutty.
Lil suggested I get back to some of my readings/spiritual practices a week or so ago, and I've been talking with another friend on the same topics for a few weeks now... the answer that came to me was: 'simplify.' And this: I'm working on 'doing more' and 'talking less.' <-- at least, that's the action plan. Soften up and lighten up, mentally... toughen up and strengthen up, physically.... is how I intend to do just that. My computer will only be on for as long as I need it to do my work, and no longer. I'm writing my stories by hand... because it forces my mind to SLOW DOWN.
Quite honestly, if I could do it, I'd throw my computer in the trash and never be on one again... but given that's how I make my living right now, I can't do that.
When the mind chatter stopped, Balt, and its incessant listing of all that I had not done, all I had not accomplished, all that was wrong, or not quite right... all the cleaning I hadn't done... whatever... the world was STILL, and it continued BEING, and it was a much lovelier place to be IN. Even though it was a bit cold, THE very reason why I didn't go get a hotel room for the night was because I didn't want the modern world invading. There was no more internal critique, you know? I liked that Corri, very, very much.
This has all been coming at me, especially in the last few weeks, but it all culminated for me last night. I like that softer, more gentle Corri. I'm sure I'm always going to be very blunt, but you can be blunt in soft, gentle ways.
Less stuff. Less modern 'noise.' Less talking. More BEING/DOING.
Lot's of good advice and words of wisdom. Thank you to you all!!! Through the teachings of Retro we have been doing some reminiscing, and connecting on a different level. It all makes me feel very safe and I know that my H is a good man.
I wouldn't be telling the truth if i said he would never do anything to hurt me or do anything underhanded to get what he wants - BUT having said that I have to think that the passed 6 months have brought out the absolute worst in him. He did everything he could to put a wedge between me and OG, conspired in a way that I would never have thought he possibly could. and to be honest that scares me a bit. I saw a side of him that i never knew existed - and will hopefully stay gone for good now.
So, i am continuing the things learned in Retro, will keep any and all advice in the back of my mind and refer to it often. I have to say, getting over OG is difficult. i thought if i immersed myself in the R with H, and my kids, etc those feelings would just go away. They are taking a lot longer to fade than i had anticipated. They seem to be going and then something will bring it all back - a song, or i'll see something that previously was very superficial now has a completely different meaning to me. It's frutstrating to make sense of it all.
I'm going to have to look up that Schenk (sp?) person and the survey mentioned here. Maybe can learn something there too.
Thank you all for your support. Any advice on getting over OG would be helpful. And more advice or kind words on how to develop those desire feelings for H would be MOST appreciated.
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,rather by the moments that take our breath away. M38,H40 M14 K D11 S8 D - June 09
Lot's of good advice and words of wisdom. Thank you to you all!!! Through the teachings of Retro we have been doing some reminiscing, and connecting on a different level. It all makes me feel very safe and I know that my H is a good man.
I wouldn't be telling the truth if i said he would never do anything to hurt me or do anything underhanded to get what he wants - BUT having said that I have to think that the passed 6 months have brought out the absolute worst in him. He did everything he could to put a wedge between me and OG, conspired in a way that I would never have thought he possibly could. and to be honest that scares me a bit. I saw a side of him that i never knew existed - and will hopefully stay gone for good now.
So, i am continuing the things learned in Retro, will keep any and all advice in the back of my mind and refer to it often. I have to say, getting over OG is difficult. i thought if i immersed myself in the R with H, and my kids, etc those feelings would just go away. They are taking a lot longer to fade than i had anticipated. They seem to be going and then something will bring it all back - a song, or i'll see something that previously was very superficial now has a completely different meaning to me. It's frutstrating to make sense of it all.
I'm going to have to look up that Schenk (sp?) person and the survey mentioned here. Maybe can learn something there too.
Thank you all for your support. Any advice on getting over OG would be helpful. And more advice or kind words on how to develop those desire feelings for H would be MOST appreciated.
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,rather by the moments that take our breath away. M38,H40 M14 K D11 S8 D - June 09
Getting over OG, whew! That is a hard one. For me what worked was understanding the damage that my holding onto thoughts and memories of OG did to my marriage. I was able to finally stop clinging to the memories and hopes by understanding the danger there. It was like playing with matches. When my house caught fire I figured out that it wasn't really fun.
My sitch differed from yours in that my husband finally took my cue and lifted his blinders and found a girlfriend. So far as I know, your husband didn't. So I can be angry at my husband for having an affair. But I can't fail to look back at myself and say, yes, but you had an affair too. You had a love relationship, even if you hardly ever saw that person, of 25 years. And by holding OG in your mind, fantasizing about him when you had sex with your husband, and in a lot of other ways making that relationship more important than this one, you undermined the marriage.
So if you are not building, then you are tearing down. I have stopped tearing down my marriage. I am building it. And I don't have any contact with OG anymore. When I think of him, I think of how destructive that thought is. And I put it aside.
I wouldn't be telling the truth if i said he would never do anything to hurt me or do anything underhanded to get what he wants - BUT having said that I have to think that the passed 6 months have brought out the absolute worst in him. He did everything he could to put a wedge between me and OG, conspired in a way that I would never have thought he possibly could. and to be honest that scares me a bit. I saw a side of him that i never knew existed - and will hopefully stay gone for good now.
What were you expecting him to do, exactly - invite him over for dinner and "dessert"? A few H's might do that, but don't bet on it!
Some would say it's part of his job to drive a wedge between you and OG. It's certainly not something that should come as a surprise...
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
First let me say very strongly I am not trying to be mean or put you done, I believe it has taken alot for you to post here, and share...and thank you for that.
But I feel that what is lacking here is maturity! You need to grow up! This is something I know because I have had to do it over the past year! The love and romance you are looking for doesn't exist except in some romance novel. What you are building now is whats real, whats true, and it will be better then something you had with the OG. This man who you are married to, who you say you have no desire for...he has proven again and again what a truly good man he is, he has fought long and hard to bring you back, he is still there with you despite everything that has happened! Does that not show you something. My H and I have also done the retrouvaille weekend, and we are continuing this by going to core. It has changed so much for us. What Sara said is true, your marriage after retro is so much better, its different, its more mature. Give him a chance, decide to love...it is a choice! Look at him and see him for the good man he really is and not the ideal you have in your head, because no man can match up to that!
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!
You have to be kidding me. Your freaking cheating on your husband, and his repsonse to this is causing YOU problems? The poor guy just had his life destroyed, and you find that his response was poor?
