Update to my sitch, the end has come

[mako_man]

Fish,

As I said before its not so much my capacity for forgiveness, or even me keeping an option open. Its really her, she has had a lifelong battle with her own low self-esteem for a myriad of reasons starting long before she ever met me. I just dont see how after a lifetime of sabotaging everything good in her life, and this latest death spiral she can ever be 'taught' to see any self-worth. Its the whole 'you cant love someone until you love yourself' thing, I cant wrap my head around her being able to overcome the damage she has caused in her own life and feeling that she is still a worthy person, regardless of what the people who love her tell her. Hell, thats never made a difference in that past, seems now that mountain just became even more perceptually impassable for her. In 12 years I only heard her tell me she was happy twice, when we first met and after our first reconciliation. She is perpetually depressed.