Help Me Act AS IF, Part 3

[newnamenewlife]

It's all very confusing--very, very confusing. I know everyone here is into the DB approach and as I've said before, lots of that makes sense to me. Yes, Ingrid, my attempts have been somewhat half-assed, I know. I am struggling. I have NOT cried in front of H for a very long time.

The thing is, I'm not certain my H even qualifies as MLC. He has ALWAYS been extremely reserved/cut off emotionally and extremely uncomfortable when I cried or displayed emotion. Still, he was loving and attentive and reassuring and he gave me a strong sense of security and being loved that is completely gone. As you put it, Ingrid, I feel like I have no skin. And when I did pull back (which I did in a big way, for me), it just made the tension worse and my H more remote.

Also, I have numerous friends who are psychotherapists who think it's really important for H to tell him my feelings, to let him see how much I am hurting and to face what he is doing.

The point is, whether I DB or do the opposite, my H's M.O. is the same--ie, absent. I have always been skeptical of adhering to any ONE way in life--whether it's religion or raising kids, or eating meat. So I often think the DB is making life harder for ME even--when it's supposed to be about making ME better.