Wow NT....that's messed up man! I truly understand what your going through. My H denied seeing OW up until the baby was born. And actually, to this day, he STILL has not really mentioned her...can you believe that??!!
But in your sitch, my opinion, I don't think callin' her out is going to help anything. I'm sorry but I really don't especially if your trying to work on things. Whether you know about OM or not, she is going to keep seeing him and you callin' her out is going to make her see you as "The Bad Guy" yet again. It's just really messed up that your kids are the ones being neglected by her in all this...that sucks BIG TYME!!!!
If it were me I would do just as you are. Don't even listen to the excuses and don't ask questions about where she is going. A very good friend of mine told me to stop asking where H was going or where he had been...she said, "Why are you making him lie to you?" and I had to think about that. By me asking I am forcing him to lie, then I get pissed about it cuz I KNOW he lying, then I act funky towards him bcuz of it. Stop asking....don't listen to the lies. And if she makes excuses as to why she can't do this or that with the kids, tell her SHE has to be the one to tell the kids. Why should you be the one to tell them that Mommy's not coming??? Let her tell them. I would just say, "Oh you not going? Well you need to explain why you're not going to the kids." I wouldn't do her dirty work...nope...not me. See if she can lie to them in their face as easily as she lies to you.
