lmg, I have spent a LOT of time time where you are and I know it's awful.
I believe that my inability to stop crying played a big part in the downturn in our relationship over the last year and when I got upset a few days ago, I could see the negative impact on my H and our R.
It totally sucks that your H isn't there for you. It's not fair. And it's just the way it is.
You feel too miserable to care much about how he's feeling. He's too miserable to give you what you need right now, too. Both of you will need to take care of yourselves, until you are stronger and have some extra energy to give to each other.
Find somewhere else to do your crying. You're not going to get what you need from your H, so you need a friend, a counsellor, whatever works for you. The main thing is to accept that it's not going to be your H, not now, not for some time. There's no way to know how long.
If you keep crying on him and expecting him to provide reassurance, you will push him further away. He can't deal with it right now, it brings up too many painful feelings.
Even the other things you've been doing - honey, you haven't actually been DBing, it's been a somewhat half-assed effort.
I KNOW it's hard. There are some things I think I'll be struggling with for years, whether I'm in this M or not. For now, we both have to continue to do that without our Hs help.
