Help Me Act AS IF, Part 3

[newnamenewlife]

I am miserable. Just miserable. I completely blew all attempts at DBing. Last night I got into bed and H was reading and I just started crying and crying. He put his arms around me, but he didn't say a WORD. This went on for about 20 minutes. I didn't say anything, I just cried. I guess I felt particularly sad because, as I suspected, despite our flirty email exchange alluding to possible sex this weekend, he did nothing to make it happen.

How can he not say anything when I'm lying there sobbing?????

At 3 am I woke up and went and slept on the couch.

Then this morning we had to go to an event in our D6's class. We went food shopping afterward and on the way home (it was just me and H in the car), I said: "We've never gone this long without having sex, have we?"
H: "No."
Me: "What am I going to do? You keep going to the gym and getting hunkier. Maybe I could pay you as my gigolo."
H: "What would I charge?"
Me:"Depends on the services you'd offer, I guess."
H: "I guess that would depend on what the client wanted."

Then we got home and unpacked the groceries. I was hoping we'd go upstairs and have sex, but no. H started talking about what he was going to be doing that day and that he's meeting his father for dinner, and blah, blah, blah.

I know--I've been doing everything wrong. I just hate living in this crazy land where H & I walk on eggshells around each other. His absurd amount of emotional reserve drives me to do and say things I shouldn't to try and break the tension, or initiate a conversation.

So now I've just made everything worse and I want to crawl into a hole. My eyes are red and puffy from crying so much. I feel like I am unraveling. In my case, I don't think I will be able to really let go until H leaves--and that isn't happening anytime soon as far as I can tell.