Beginning again like a newbie

[BeingMe]

Damn, ACJ! You are facing some fearful stuff, and with courage, and a sense of conviction. Just, please, don't be too hard on yourself, especially where your H is concerned. He has made at least half the mistakes (and, I suspect, more than that) in the M, and the lack of connection between the individuals in your family is just as much his responsibility as it is yours. If you do get D'ed and he marries the OW, he will see that he has brought all his baggage with him into the next R, and leaving you and the children didn't solve one little thing. But, that is only a possibility in the future, and it's pointless focusing on that (or pondering too much on the past) ... it is the present that matters.

Your motives have always been pure where your children are concerned (most mothers' are), and I doubt you ever meant to harm them in any way. I could always read the anguish you felt where your children are concerned, and especially your S15. Don't carry any guilt around, because that can become a huge burden (I know ... I have been there). Just resolve to continue what you have started now. We moms (parents) can only do our best.

I am thinking of you, and wishing the best outcome possible. Just take each day as it comes, and make the most of it.

Take care.