I think it's interesting that you chose to challenge him on this:
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Then I saw H's car tonight. He must have spent hours cleaning it before their trip. Besides taking out the loads full of clothing, he emptied all the fast food bags, trash, and misc. junk he had in there, and even vacummed it! I said fine, if you want to date someone you have to pretend to be someone else with go right ahead!
... but not this:
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Besides hurting me, H had promised to take my D8 to a play last weekend and then didn't in order to go to a party with OW but promised to take her this weekend. Then of course this weekend he left town with OW and didn't take D8 again and this was the last weekend. I did take her, but I still think it was crappy of him. He never would have done that before the OW.
I think you should point things like this out to him, as simple "truth darts." "H, do you see how incredibly destructive your affair is to our family? Your daughter has been waiting for her daddy to take her to do ______ for the past two weekends."
And then just shake your head at him, disgustedly, and leave the room.
