I really thought I would have nothing to report today.
Friday night, after having learned the worst (see my previous thread), I tried one last time to send W an email asking her to reconsider not seeking counseling with me.
Here's the text:
Quote:
I'm going to try this again.
I set up an appointment with Dr. ________ for 10:00 AM on Friday, February 15. He also had an 8:00 AM opening that day , if that would be better for you. Or I can try another date and time.
I really think it best we go to counseling. Even if (when) our marriage should end in divorce, we both still need to learn to communicate with each other again. I really think that S7 and S3 deserve every possible effort we can make.
I am not asking for a complete reconciliation, nor even for us to be best friends anymore -- we just can't possibly be successful with co-parenting our children unless we are at least civil.
I really don't even care about my own interests in this -- I too can see what this is doing to our sons, and we need to fix this for their sake.
Please, please think of them for a change. I beg you.
--NCB
More details about the last couple of days:
Some time after midnight, I called the hotel to get W's room, and the voice of a male answered, the OM. I said nothing, let him continue to ask "Hello? Who's there?" and then to finally hang up.
The early the next morning, between 7:00 And 7:30 AM, I called the hotel room again, heard W answer, and then without so much as a word from me handed the phone over to our two S's to greet W as if nothing was wrong -- and in our S's minds there was nothing wrong because they were not in the know about this.
All through yesterday and today, I minimized any words spoken to W. I put on my "Joe Friday" voice ("Just the facts, ma'am") and gave short, to-the-point replies. I noted that W was exceptionally syrupy in her words, especially with our two boys.
When it came time to drop the boys off at the house, I took my departing hugs and good-byes from them in the garage before taking them inside the house. I opened the door, showed S7 and S3 inside, petted our dog, said one last good-bye, and then I was out of there, with as few words with W as I could muster.
This evening, I said goodnight to my S's via phone, and W tried to engage me in some short, trivial exchange about S3's bowel movements today. I gave W a one sentence report of S3's status and then said good-bye.
Then I found W had sent an email earlier -- about 5:30 PM, about 1/2 hour after I had left. She had apparently gotten my email from Friday evening and had responded.
Here's what she wrote:
Quote:
I told you I can't go with you. It hurts to be around you. I will be going to TEACCH's FREE classes.
I don't understand you putting S7 on the phone Sat am. I stayed downtown after a birthday celebration for one of the physical therapists at work at <Irish pub> so I wouldn't have to drive back so late. I don't expect you to ever believe anything I say, but as long as you don't poison the children against me it will be okay.
I'm trying to be civil.
I'm not the one thrusting fingers into my Mom's face & telling her to get out of your house & yelling and slamming doors in front of the children. You did that.
Thank you,
WAW
These TEACCH classes are for mothers of Autism-Spectrum children (S7 has Asperger's Syndrome, AS), and were the most minimal resource W could have chosen from what was available to us through UNC's program. W chose this one class because it targets mothers and would thus exclude me as a father (a "nice" move on W's part to shut me out.) After all my effort to get S7 into this program, W opts for the most minimal offering -- I am so very disgusted and disappointed.
Now W is using this as her excuse for not going to C for communication and parenting/couples therapy?!?
As for the big one -- the massive denial -- I am even more incensed, not surprised, but fuming mad. She continues to insult my intelligence! If I still thought this person was worth this torture, I would have told her I have the evidence to prove her to be the liar she is. As it is now, I just don't care to hear anything from her anymore. I have given her the benefit of any doubt, no matter how great, all of our 17 years together -- well, now there is no doubt!
I started to send back a one-sentence reply: "You're right -- I don't believe you." and leave it at that. But I just don't care anymore, not now (although, heck, I might totally change my mind tomorrow) -- I am not interested in this adulterous, selfish person who insists on insulting my intelligence, treats me like a fool, denies my heart and soul, spits on my good will, threatens my parenthood of my children, breaks up my family, and then denies her actions and tries to pass all of the blame off on me, treating me like the criminal.
The sad thing is... I still love the person she was, and whose soul, weak as it now proves to be, I got a glimpse of at one time. I still wish her no ill will, and I want her to be truly and honestly happy, but it's got to be without me. Her happiness can no longer be at my expense or that of my S's. She continues to hurt me deeply and I now need to get beyond that. I can't deal with her, and now I don't want to either.
I'm hanging up my DB'ing spurs, and focusing on my own spiritual growth.
