Had a R talk. Started out as talk about her work, she is going to tell her boss she is pregnant, and tell him that she is going to S, in the hope he will be nice an offer to keep her on the books. She then let me know (first time) her boss knows about her and OM. OM told boss to cover himself in case things went bad in any way. I then asked questions about OM and their R (mistake I know). She has feelings for him (more than me) I knew this, I also knew they still hug and kiss in work (she says not lovers kisses. I told her that this doesnt bother me the way it would have before. She says her eyes are pointing toward him at the moment and she feels I am trying to force her gaze back to me. Says she doesnt love me at all. Still feeling pressure because I hope to win her back. She does see reason about the fact the OM may have seduced and used her, from his reactions. She said she cant break contact with him. He will always be in her life. I told her that even if she leaves me, any future partner wont like her having a secret connection to another man). She admits that if she starts to get the things she needs from (me or future partner) then she might sever the connection to OM slowly.
Here is the killer... she said if I had not found out about the A, then she would still be with me in the M. She would have eventually severed connection to him out of guilt. Because I went off the rails, she doesnt want to be with me. I feel this is a little unfair, as she even says she understands why i went crazy. I think 6 weeks of craziness is not bad for this situation. I know lots of things will seem unfair. I asked her if she didnt want me to find out then why did she tell me she had feelings for another man ( before i found about about A by snooping). She said she hoped it would galvanise me to become the man she first met. She wanted me to be better. (This I take as positive). She didnt want me to be curious and find out she had an A. (She was in the same sitch with a bf before she met me, he cheated on her and she tried to find evidence- so she see my point of view, just she doesnt like it) There is still the fact that the OM doesnt want his W to know about this and cant `give my W what she wants` (he thinks she want a R with him, rightly or wrongly). So he may keep her as a bit on the side, but when my W evetually sees reason (without all these love chemicals popping in her brain), she wont settle for that. He also wants her to go back to me apparantly. I know I sound like a doormat saying these things, but I dont feel like one. I know that having this conversation was wrong... but I learned a few things, and I take a few poitives away (I will just ignore the negatives). She said the thing she wants is space (this will be a huge 180 for me, as she has said she doesnt believe I can do it, she kind of has a point). She also said same things as Jen, about just letting he be, with her feeling not asking if she is ok.
Funny thing is, she has bought me a valentines day card, I asked her why, and she said she was just being polite, she said she would probably write `love from` as it is just writing it doesnt matter what she writes. Is this a positive or is it just being really polite. lol.
My head is still in the right frame of mind to approach this, I am optimistic, because as she said herself tonight..... if we are meant to be togehter then we will be together, and if not then not! Cant put it better myself.
She also keeps saying about me finding someone else... is this part of DB if I go out on a date with another woman in the hope to make W jelous, or is that just a bad idea??
Patience Patience Patience.... Monday tomorrow.. new week new plan!
Cheers
Steve
Me 27 W 30 M 2yrs/ T 5yrs Expecting our first child Sept 08 warning bomb (has feelings for someone) 21/12/08 I found out about OM (by snooping) 14/1/08 Living together.
