Good to have you back! I read your update on your thread. It's all part of this stupid game. Pain is very vicious, persistent, sometimes consumes your mind your heart and body. But you know what, you reach a point where you become familiar with it. You know how it feels and once you get passed the zero point any amount of it is "welcome" because the worst has passed. Pretty soon you just dare the pain because you know you can handle it. I can't cry anymore... (am I making sense here?). I go back to good memories and it hurts but I don't mind, I read letters look at pictures and I don't colapse. Heck, I am looking everyday at my H junior (my son, they look like copies of each other) and I enjoy what I am seeing. So what If I am still in pain?
About me... I know what you are saying. You are right that this could be the other way to look at it. But how can I reach out to him more? I had made it very clear to him that I am here. I was pretty bold at occasions. It would be the radical aproach to do more and I am not sure I can handle it. I can't take anymore rejections from him. Also, this DBing, says not to talk about R, wait for them to initiate any kind of contact, do not push etc.etc. How can I reach out and not backslide? Any suggestion is very welcome. I have time to think about it some more.
Update: both my kids are throwing up everywhere. He has been calling every hour to find out their situation. I am friendly, not worried about the kids too much (180 for me), and I have things under control. He is pulling back, I sense it. I think he is reacting to me being distant. I need to make it clear it's not something he is doing, I am not acting like this because I want to punish a specific behaviour. It has to be clear I am choosing for myself to move forward, with or without him.
Kalni
Thanks fb2 for checking on me again today. I know what you mean by monitoring my feelings.
