I have been thinking about your post a lot. Can I give you a little backstory?
There has always been a lot of freedom in the R. For example every summer both of us would go off on our own adventures and do our own projects. That is part of why I didn't think it would be a problem to do long distance, because every summer we had done long distance for 2-3 months. Even last spring, my B told me that he was so proud that we were following our dreams, and that's why we were separated, b/c we were following our dreams.
When we were both in the same city, we would each make our own plans and then share what time was left over. But without thinking about it it's like it morphed into this toxic amalgamation of making our own life-long adventure plans and just expecting to be able to share what was left over with the other person. I think this caused a lot of anxiety for both of us, and it was expressed in different ways.
I think being separated was a lot easier for me than for him, and that's part of why I didn't realize how rough things were until the bomb.
So it's not that I do not want him to be free to follow his career. We both have a track record of letting each other be really free to follow our dreams. It's that now it's become clear that this mode hasn't been working, b/c he can't get what he needs emotionally when we are long distance, it feels like he is choosing career over me, instead of thinking of ways we could together be making our dreams come true, and staying together...??
Maybe I am not making sense... Please feel free to hit me with a 2 x 4 if I didn't "get" what you said in your post!
