Yesterday was better. I made a plan and I did the plan! I went to school, practiced my cello, worked out, practiced some more, shared some muffins, came home and made another fritatta and a new broccoli cheddar bean soup. It's a little funny, being in graduate school it's like I have too much of a life because I have way too much to do, but not enough either, because there's not a whole lot of social fun. I think that is why cooking is very therapeutic GAL for me... I am doing something positive and creative that isn't too demanding, and it's quiet, which is nice after being at school all day.
It is really weird, but this week I have been in a lot of emotional pain. It doesn't have a story attached to it, it's not the same as the anxious can't turn my head off worrying that has been happening. It's just pain, pain, pain. I think I might be experiencing it now b/c I didn't have the strength to feel it before. I just really thought I had been through all the pain I could feel, so it is strange to feel it now. But maybe that wasn't pain before, just shock and anxiety. There were a couple days this week where I just had to come home and crawl into bed right after school. It's probably just part of the journey, but it sucks. I think part of me is afraid to really feel the pain and/or grieve because I am afraid if I do I will lose my hopefulness and will to continue.
In the midst of all this, it seems to me that my B can't exactly be having a party either, but I am not sure, since I have no info on what he is experiencing.
I am thinking of all of you and sending you positive vibes...
