Finding my way out of the dark

[mishka422]

Thank you Tia. I have not had any communication about anything with H since the fiasco on Thursday and I fell SO GOOD! The stress of dealing with his ration of you know what was just too much for me along with dealing with everything else crazy in my life.

H has not called S13 in 3 1/2 days now and I can't help but think that he is doing that because he's mad at me. It makes no sense but nothing he does makes sense right now. S13 hasn't mentioned it but I know he's going to realize soon just how long it has been without talking to his dad. H is being so childish but his relationship, or lack thereof, with his son is not my problem. All I can do is support my son and love him unconditionally. He knows who he can count on to keep his life as stable as possible.

Church was amazing this morning. Our pastor is in a 6 part series about prayer. Specifically about praying for God to use your talents and gifts to honor Him and what He wants to do through you. Today was about how to pray specifically and get answers to your prayers. It was amazing to be reminded about the patience ans stillness required to "hear" God speaking to you. We live in such an immediate gratification society that we have no patience. I am working on that both in prayer and in my life as a whole.

I honestly don't want my H back right now. Not the person he has become. If through this experience he grows and changes then there may be a possibility but not now. He's not sorry for what he's done, he's being cruel and unjust and selfish and that is not the type of person I allow in my life. I am shielding my son from his dad's behavior as much as possible. I don't want him to think this is the way a good man behaves toward his family. My H learned this behavior from his own father - my son WILL NOT!

God bless to you all!!!