When I went to pick S up (with severely swollen eyes). He made small talk about how good S had been blah blah blah. (D was still sleeping so she didn't see me). For a split second he actually looked at me and I thought I saw a look of empathy in his eyes. But who knows.
You guys don't seem to have much of a routine with the kids - Not that anyone wants to schedule time 'away' from them, but days here and there really cause a lot of stress. My W and I are totally out of whack with our schedule and it's causing us both a lot of sleepless nights and anxiety because we can't keep track of it.
It's really hard to keep yourself together all of the time - Don't beat yourself up for breaking down, crying and being upset. You're human, under a lot of stress and trying to make your S & D as content as possible in a very difficult situation.
I told my W tonight that I wanted to watch D - It's my weekend with her and W has had a lot of sleepless nights with D over the last week or so. That said, after reading your post and thinking about conversations I've had with W today, I feel as guilty as hell for not giving W more time with D when I know W is feeling very lonely and unhappy. We all know my situation is ass backwards and stupid, so I'm certainly not trying to draw comparisons, but I do realize how tough it is and how difficult it can be to manage a family that is split in two.
I'm so sorry about your day. I'm reading your post and crying for the way you feel and for your daughter. I'm glad your parents are behind you on this for support like they are. I wish I had something more to offer for advice, but I don't.
You had a good cry. Good for you. I find that I can go for a few days feeling okay with all of this and not crying at all and then whammo.. I'm crying. It's completely normal. Your Mom wanting to go and punch your H reminds me of how my Mom feels about my H lately.. it's tough on our parents as they watch us hang on or stand.. when what they really want is for us to end our suffering by walking away..
I hope today is a better day for you.
W2G
PS. Do you know of anyone else that lives near Toronto? Maybe if we can find a few people we could plan a get together..?
You guys don't seem to have much of a routine with the kids - Not that anyone wants to schedule time 'away' from them, but days here and there really cause a lot of stress.
Actually, this week was the first week of our set shedule. Which is why I am having a hard time with it. I hope it gets easier with time. No matter what I can't get it out of my head that this is wrong and that kids this small shouldn't be away from either parent like this. Doesn't matter though I have to accept it and make the best of the sitch regardless for my kids.
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I feel as guilty as hell for not giving W more time with D when I know W is feeling very lonely and unhappy. We all know my situation is ass backwards and stupid, so I'm certainly not trying to draw comparisons, but I do realize how tough it is and how difficult it can be to manage a family that is split in two.
And I think we can all draw comparisons in one way or another. Try not to feel guilty for this...your W has chosen this, not you. Try to remember that.
Miss IC...I'm sorry I made you cry! I thought I'd done enough of that for everyone yesterday. Thanks for your support.
WTG...I don't know of anyone else who lives near TO...I'm trying to figure out a way we could exchange e-mail addresses without doing it on the public boards. I tried to send you a private message but it didn't work.
J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
Today I'm feeling a little better than I was yesterday. I'm looking forward to D coming home today. I really miss her.
I am NOT looking forward to shovelling the mound of snow that the plow left at the bottom of my driveway though. And I hear we're expecting more snow this week. Why is THIS the year that we more can snow than we've had in many many years? God is testing me for sure!
I'm a little perplexed with myself. I can't get H out of my head right now, and I've been thinking alot about OW too. I had a dream last night that she called me. That was interesting. After I got up to feed S in the night, I couldn't get back to sleep again because my head wouldn't shut off. This hasn't happened since before S was born. Why do I feel like I just took 10 steps backwards? I don't get it. My goals right now are to get my emotions in check. Keep myself busy. God knows I've enough shovelling to do! The good news about the shovelling is that it's just like working out. I can feel my but getting tighter!! Sorry...to much information. Looks like last week was a tough one for a lot of people. Remember that this time of year is one of the most depressing times even for those not going through what we are. My wish for everyone is that this week brings nothing but positive things...if not in DB'ing, than it every other area of our lives! Our blessings are there if we look for them. J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
Divorce and separation has 2 parts to it. You lose your spouse but you also lose time with your kids. That part is so unfair to the BS and the kids...the part that the WAS' don't understand or they rationalize it away. I think it was perfectly natural how you were feeling yesterday. It really had nothing to do with your H. You missed your babies. You or they didn't ask for this and it was shoved upon you.
You did well. Better than I would have. More than anything, sharing time with an infant scares me to death. Hang in there and have a good day.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
We have all been where you are. I know I ask myself daily how and why H could do this to his family. He grew up without a dad and for the life of me I don't know why he would do this to his son. The only answer he ever seems to muster up is "I turned out okay". Really, do you honestly think you turned out ok? We hurt for our children more than we hurt for ourselves as we go through this. It's really funny because I made a list of all the thngs I want in H when he comes back and all the things I want to give to him. Funny part about it is I don't know if he has ever been any of those things on my list. It has helped me to put some things into perspective. My point is we all deserve better than this. To me what your H (mine too) is doing is cruel. I don't see how you do this to people you love. Just keep in mind that this thing is bigger than us. They have some shi-t going on we will never understand. My hope for all of us on the boardd is that GOD is giving us the strength to stand up for what we deserve. He is giving us more confidence and more self-esteem and at the end of this I really hope that he is preparing us for someone wonderfull weather that be our current spouses or new spouses. I will be thinking about you.
Miss IC...I'm sorry I made you cry! I thought I'd done enough of that for everyone yesterday. Thanks for your support.
WTG...I don't know of anyone else who lives near TO...I'm trying to figure out a way we could exchange e-mail addresses without doing it on the public boards. I tried to send you a private message but it didn't work.
Jenny, Don't be sorry for making me cry. I can just feel in your posts how much you love them kids. That is such a hard position to be in...not only for you but for them as well. I'm so surprised as to how strong you are to hold it together like you have...you didn't back slide honey. You are still that strong woman that got you this far and I'm hoping your husband will eventually wake up and see what he has in you.
As for the e-mails..I don't think the private message option on here works but my e-mail is listed in my profile if you ever feel the need
Hi Jenny! I was just catching up on your thread and thought how weak I have been lately. Then I read about your meltdown. I believe everything on Earth has a melting point, some just have a higher one. As I was reading your post it gave me a lot to think about what I have been doing wrong and how far I still have to go.
I do believe that you are detaching w/ love. The problem is you have 2 different Hs...the man you fell in love w/ and the man he has become. It is easy to detach from the alien, but it is really hard to detach from the hope that the old H will come back.
I think one thing that makes it hard to forgive the WAS is that they don't take responsibility for what has happened and what is continuing to happen.
Hey Jenny, I'm sorry that you have been having a rough time of it lately. Don't worry about losing it, that is natural. You have been soooo strong through all of this. Allow yourself to feel sad sometimes, it's really good to get it out. You know that you can feel good and strong, so you know you can get back there and it won't take as long as it did in the beginning. I'm not looking forward to dealing with the child custody thing, at all. I'm pissed that my H is the reason our D will never know what it's like to have both her parents together building a loving home for her. I hate that she is going to be bounced back and forth. I try not to let myself think about that now. They are selfish jerks, that only care about themselves, really. Sorry, I'm ranting. It HAS been a difficult time for many of us this past week or so. Hang in there. Your kids will be home today, then H gets to feel the loneliness.
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
