And thanks for pointing out all the adjustments I appreciate it!
Originally Posted By: Michael Mc C
Originally Posted By: Karen43
if they breakup H might want to work on our marriage I think
This is a thought I have had many times but let me tell you, don't count on it - not by default anyway (besides you don't want him coming back just because his fantasy didn't work out). In my sitch, and many other, once the A is over, the WAS still feels there is a need to divorce. "There must have been something wrong in the marriage for this to happen anyway so why would I want to fix things?"
Do NOT invest hope into this happening right away. I don't mean that it's hopeless, I mean that don't expect that if things end for them (I'm praying for that!!) he may very well feel a D is still a necessity.
I know this is true, but I think a lot of our problems were my depression and lack of independence which I am working on, and he has anger problems which he has been working on and spent too much time away from home. I was always trying to fix things when we talked; now I'm practicing friendly detachment. I'm sure there were some other issues too, but these were some of our main issues, so I would think with our 2 children he would at least consider marriage counseling if the OW was out of the picture. He said at the beginning of the affair if she was not in the picture he would be working on the marriage and not want divorce. I'm somawhat good looking, funny, smart, & love him despite all his many flaws, etc. and I still consider the fact that he is still living in our house and hasn't moved out when he could have to be some proof of the fact that he has some ambivalence yet about diving fully into a relationship with the OW and/or leaving me.
Actually, I don't think I would be bothered at all or at least too much if I were a "default" relationship if H broke up with OW if he realizes she is not the perfect woman he thinks she is now. I believe if he spent half the time he does on our relationship that he does with her, something like 40 hours a week!, we would probably have a fairly successful relationship with counseling of course! and no OW in the picture! Am I way too much of an optimist?
But truthfully, I do know and hate to admit that he may not break up with the OW so I know I have to be prepared for that. And thanks for the warning that he may be playing me when we are getting along so well. You don't think it is that I am happier now that my depression is gone, but that he is just playing me? That is kind of sad and scary at the same time! Karen43
