Getting ready for big convo with WAW today. Expect she's either going to ask for D, ask me to pay for apartment, or ask me to leave house. At first I felt fear, but I'm facing that with a PMA and the fear has gone away. I'm in control.
So decided to write a script. For most of what she says, I'm going to just listen. If she asks me a question, I'll say I'm confused or need time to think and then turn it back on her. Then, when the time is right, I'm going to tell her that she can't stay on the fence, she needs to choose. Here's my speech:
"WAW, I'm sorry you feel [whatever she says] because I have a different position. In the moments you've let your emotional wall down, we both recognized that if we re-engaged in a positive manner to move the M forward, it could become stronger than ever. But that will only happen if we don't get mired in the resentment and negativity of the past. Our MC really helped to break up our impasses and if we move forward, he can help us find balance for our needs. But right now I feel like things are jamming up again.
You told me last week that you're still attracted to OM. I've read a lot on ways to make M work and everyone says the same thing - if there is an active A, forget it. The M will be mired in indecision and limbo. This is especially true if its an emotional A because the emotions needed to fix the M are being siphoned away by OM.
So it comes down to choosing. Are you, WAW, willing to sacrifice the chance to save your M and home for OM? You have to choose if we're going to move out of this negative space together. Otherwise, I will move on with enjoying my life and if I haven't heard from you, I will file for D in 3 months."
I know - tons of pressure, backing against the wall, all the DR stuff you aren't supposed to do. But I feel like my sitch requires firmness on my part. The understanding and patience can come after she says yes, I'm willing to work on M. And since she's already said that her attraction to OM is poison and disaster waiting to happen, I think being forced into a choice will be a good thing. Even if she says no, it will make my future detachment that much more powerful because OM can't meet all her needs.
