Hey Aud, A few general observations based on my own sitch...
My H has made reference on several occasions to my "high moral ground" and to my "judging him". As this process has gone on, I have realized more and more how those two things make him feel smaller. And I do those things. I do tend to judge. And I do get down on him sometimes. And I do think my moral foundation is much stronger than his. But I am trying to recognize how this impacts him.
Try to show more outward faith in your H... even if you don't completely have faith in him. Fake it till you make it. I have started experimenting with this and continue to try to do so. And I think it helps my H's self esteem.
I have made reference to this before and I am going to do it again... in manyu ways, our spouses (at least yours and mine) are like lost little boys. I find that when I expect the worst of my H, he behaves badly... but when I show more faith, he is more motivated to be a better person. This anaolgy may sound harsh, but think of a teenager. If the parents are always down on the teen, he or she will act out. But if parents have faith in their kids, they will work to live up to potential.
In my H's case, he lacked significant guidance growing up. So he is going through a lot of stuff now that he should have gone through as a teenager or younger. So, it's like he's learning life's lessons twenty years late.
Anyway, just try to change your attitude towards him and see if he will start to come around with a little mroe empathy and remorse. But don't pull it out of him.
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
