"If your confidence has taken a beating lately, today's energy will go far in turning this around. Even if you feel like you've made too many mistakes, it's time to forgive yourself and to move forward. If you feel like you're a failure, this actually has a chance of becoming a reality. By allowing yourself to err and to keep on trying, there's no room for such self-fulfilled prophecies to come true. Believe in yourself and keep going. Resist drowning in self-pity. "
12/12/07, @ 10.15 I was sat in work and I thought I was cracking up, normally I can journal through the day on IM across the office with my 2 year divorced friend who has been my daily crouch who I can lean on. He wishes he had tried as hard as me to save his marriage, which is why he has been very encouraging to me.
Anyway he wasn't in the office, I was sat there knowing in full knowledge that W has spent the previous weekend with OM and I felt she was being very blatant about things and rubbing my nose in it. Well without thinking any further I phoned W and told her I'd had enough, when we get home tonight lets settle things cos if she wanted to be with OM then we'd have to D. At that point W semi confessed to being with OM but said it was over with him, she also said didn't want a D.
Well that phone call was a major turning point for me as I had actually given up and was ready to move on. But I think that 180 caught W by surprise and since then we've started moving towards reconciling. Now I'm not saying you do the same, cos you can only do that if you've really given up. But if you feel what you're doing isn't working, maybe its time to try something else. Yeah, have a bit more of a think of what your options are and run them by us, lets see what we can come up with for you.
Kalni As someone that has really helped me in my sitch, I just wanted to tell you that I am thinking of you and tell you to hang in there. For me, I know W is still not sure that my changes are genuine. Consistency and patience will be important for us too. It is very hard, I know, especially when you see little in return. I think everyone will be different in how long it will take before "she's being manipulative" turns into "wow, maybe this is really what she is". Weeks? Months? I just hope that when it happens for my W that I will have made her a nice warm place to land, and be able to welcome her with an open heart. Good luck.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
You have been so positive and upbeat.. I think this is likely just a small slump for you.. and that you'll be up again very soon.
I had a frappe yesterday. It was very good. I actually bought a bag of greek coffee and am going to make myself a cup this morning.
Where in Greece are you? I went on a trip to Greece in March of 2007 and your country is absolutely beautiful!!! We spent most of our trip at H's yaya's. It was the first time he had the chance to meet her face to face.. so it was a monumental trip! And that was when I had my first Greek Coffee and loved it!
Hi Kalni! I agree with where2go.. I LOVE Greece! Its my favourite desination and I have been several times. I am going this summer (I was due to go with my BF to Crete, but now I am planning to go to Greece with my Mum and sister instead). I LOVE greek food... Mmmm..stuffed chillis and tomatoes..greek salads...
So whats the current sitch with your H? What are your thoughts on doing something different? We are all ears... :-) Ali ____________ Me: 36 H: 34 LT: 9 years ILYBINILWY: 2 Nov 07 Own apartment: 26 Jan 08 3 months on
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I am glad you all like my country. I do too. I love it actually. Ali, when you come, if you come in through Athens airport, we've got to meet. Ok?
What's the sitch Ali? I've been sad and depressed and currently I am building myself an incredible anger. I knows it shows I am not detached but I also feel my pride and self preservation are kicking in.
He dropped the kids off earlier. Stayed for 15 minutes, I invited him to sit down, he said "you know I have to be at work in 30 minutes, I need to go", but he did sit down and we chatted about the kids etc. I was my usual self, friendly and looked great (I know he notices more lately), BUT I was distant. He sensed it and I believe he felt what I was trying to get to him: that I am slowly, very painfully, forced to detach and I am not fighting it anymore.
So this is what I will be doing -unless you guys advise otherwise-: I will not be available when he calls I will keep our communication to the minimum level I will be friendly and easygoing and relaxed when we have any kind of interaction (kind of not hard feelings, close to no feelings at all) I will NOT send any text msgs again like I did (I miss u, when will you get it, blah,blah, blah) I will be going out every Friday when the baby sitter sleeps in (arrangement presviously done while he was here to have the chance to go out together-I continue to pay her and keep her here on Fridays) I will make sure there is somekind of mystery around my whereabouts etc. but never-never imply there is somebody else I will start my painting again so that I can earn some more money which I will use solely for travelling I want to do I will stop helping him out with anything but I will not refuse to, I will just avoid to I will be asking him to contribute more to the children's upbringing and he will have to make the time I will become even prettier and make sure he sees it I will be positive about my life in general I will take the kids away on my own for a weekend for skiing If I have the money I will throw a party for my birthday at a little bar I like I'll concetrate on my work more and see what changes I can make happen there I'll be open to flirting, just flirting (Lan, fb2, not with this guy, he is friend I want him to stay a friend)
This weekend I didn't call him (I usually don't) or answered his phone calls at all (usually do) which was strange for me. He never asked me anything about it. It seems he doesn't care but if he is human he must care just a little bit. No matter what, the idea of your funs quiting is not favorable for anyone.
I am so mad at him being such a wimp, I could hit him real hard. The words of my friend yesterday telling me "he is just gaining time because he doesn't have the strength to detach form you, but he doesn't want to be with you " really hurt. If that's the case and he is prolonging my suffering just to feel at ease, makes me really really mad. If our M ends like this, I know for sure who will be the one suffering at the end, and it won't be me. I think I have paid my dues.
I especially agree with your comments about nice guy at work, even if you and H didn't work out this guy wouldn't be the one for you as he has the inside track on your raw emotions and it wouldn't make for a good future R.
Word of caution about listening to advice from well meaning friend, some of the stuff they tell you can throw you for a loop, even though it is told with the best of intentions. Best friends always try to minimise our agony so stuff the say is aimed at getting us out of the M.
Finally the mere fact that you have drawn up this list shows that you have it in you to move forward and follow it through.
Kalni, I could not have said it better than Lan. I like it that some of your action items are "just for you" regardless of H's reactions. I would add to monitor your feelings as you go along so you sense your self esteem and confidence stabilizing.
Me-48, W-38 M14, D11, S7 W filed D 01/07 W had to move out 06/07 Current Thread
