Update to my sitch, the end has come

[25yearsmlc]

Dear Mako,

I did a 12 step program 11+ years ago and have managed to stay healthy. It was NOT meth, (prescription painkillers) and I've heard that meth takes longer to get over. At first it's hard to believe you can feel alright, let alone at peace or happy, without your drug of choice. She faces such a hard journey, inwardly and outwardly. Making amends will scare the crap out of her, so I'd ask you to realize that forgiving her doesn't mean she's got permission to do any of these things again. But it might make her other many amends easier to try, if you don't shoot her down too much.

It sucks for her, yes. But I know it has sucked for you and the kids big time so don't think I'm excusing her. But there are genetic and bio-physical components to addiction that are Not ALL BS.

Addiction -- a disease or an excuse? Maybe both. We know there are physical parts to it as it runs in families even when the siblings did not get raised together. The advantage of calling it a disease is it keeps us from thinking it's all handled now, and that we're fine enough to start up again. No one says "Hey, I can mentally control my hepatitis/diabetes" so by seeing it as a disease, we in recovery are less likely to imagine we can control it down the road. Nope, one is too many and a 1000 is never enough.

I hope she gets the good kind of rehab. Mine was a gift from God and although I thought it was the absolute worst time in my life, I now see it differently. I am a better person for it, less judgmental, much more humble, but also stronger inside.
You can't get better if you think you're a piece of crap. You'll just act like it.
The healthier she becomes the more honest she'll be. She has some tough amends to make and the mountain she'll need to climb might overwhelm her into not even trying. Yes that can be seen as an excuse but still, if you can muster it up, let her have hope. Someday she'll be better and the kids will have R's with her and that is a good thing no matter what happens in the M.

Some of us do make it you know, and most of those who do become and stay sober and clean, have an average of 1.5 relapses (don't ask me what half a relapse is, math isn't a forte of mine) before it really becomes believable to us that we can do it AND find joy in our lives, without wracking guilt. The guilt can be dangerous b/c it'll convert into anger and she'll lash out at herself, or someone else.

At some point as part of her healing, you will be asked to face your role in her addictions, or your denials. Be brave, cuz God knows she'll have been brave to even get through the program. If you want to talk about that here , we can. But it's probably too much for you, too early now.
Wishing you good things,
j-