Moving on from WAS

[mako]

Hello to all in DB land.

On Wednesday, W called me. This was very odd, as she's hardly called me at all, and wouldn't even give me her new # for a long time.

W was kinda breaking down as I answered. She was basically having a crisis with one of her best friends, who is also a good friend of mine. Their relationship has deteriorated, and W was really upset about it and didn't know what to do.

So we talked for over an hour, and she really opened up to me for the first time in a long time. A bunch about the friend, but also a bunch about us. It wasn't heated at all, I was very calm and she didn't seem to get mad at all either...did good validating her feelings, but also disagreed with her a bunch of times when she was trying to tell me my own thoughts--she just had me pegged wrong on a number of things. Both of us expressed a lot of our feelings about things that had happened and what we've gone through since she left. I have the impression that, while she's the one who left, I am dealing with all of this better than she is; but I've had therapy and the DB site on my side, and she refused to go to therapy (she's thinking of starting now). Anyway, it was a very good talk, the best we've had since she left certainly, and really even since a long time before that. We may have gone on longer but my cell phone died and I didn't have my charger.

Later, she sent a short email that it was a good talk, thanks...I replied basically that I agree, it was nice to express and listen to real feelings with her as that was kind of our downfall, and I'd like to have more open communication in the future so we can have a better friendship (again, she's stressed many times that she wants to be friends, sometime later).

So:

• She opened up to me for the first time in months.
• She called me about something important in her life. Granted, I know her friend better than anyone else she knows, but she came to me when she had a crisis.
• We talked about feelings and emotions, something we didn't do a lot of in the M and something she complained of in the bomb talk.
• It was not hard or heated or angry or awkward, at least that I could tell.
• She is happy about some things (her new job, new apartment) but she's not that happy overall, is crying a few times a week, says things are still rough dealing with this.

I don't know what to make of this, but I will take it. I really would like to be her friend even if we never get back together, at least that's how I feel now. This was a good step.