Moving on from WAS

[mako]

Haven't been on the site in a while so figured I'd start a new thread...also coming over to this forum as I am certainly separated. There's been nothing earth shattering in the sitch, but minor improvements, and good improvements for me. Journaling here was always helpful so I want to start that again.

Basic summary:

• 10/07 - W says she's been unhappy forever and is dead inside, needs to leave me. I am a wreck for some time. She stays in the separate bedroom a few weeks, mostly just cold interaction and a few R talks that don't go well.
• 11/07 - W moves out. This is the last time I've seen her.
  
• 1/08 - W moves to a different state. I am also moving there in a few months, separately from her of course...I have already determined this is the best move for me and is not at all based on hope of reconciliation. W often talks about how we'll be friends later after I move, she'll help take care of the dog when I'm gone, stuff like that, which is odd to me. At the same time, she is incredibly cold and distant and even says things like I shouldn't live too close to her.

From 11/07 till last week we've had little contact. Phone calls and emails here and there, mostly just short and all business, dividing assets and such, W is looking to get a D in March, as soon as it's allowed under the law. As I said, W has been very distant, and has even pushed away several of her good friends that were mutual friends, cause they are too close to me or something like that. This includes her former best friend, who I am very close to also.

Through this whole time I've been working on myself immensely...I've detached a ton and am just living my life without worrying too much about W. At the same time I still love her, but I am accepting of the sitch and would like her to find happiness even if it is without me. If that's the path she must take then I have to let her find her way.

More importantly, figuring out lots of things in therapy about myself and my issues, which I've been working on. Actually this has been earth shattering, as I can see the quality of my life greatly improving in the future due to this. I have a good understanding of why this all happened and how I contributed to W's unhappiness, and am prepared to address those things so they won't happen again, whether ultimately with W or someone else. So good for me!

Two weeks ago I sent W a long email detailing the things I've learned in therapy. These things had a major impact on our M and led to most of the major issues that W had with me. This may or may not be in line with Dbing, but I wanted her to know cause it greatly affected her life, and also wanted her to know that I know how I contributed to this. W responded saying basically "thanks" and didn't address anything in the email. This was fine, I had no expectations.

Things took a bit of a turn this week for the better with W. Not reading much into it at this point. More later...