Lol, that is exactly what he said...his words..."I just want you to come with me, you know...for moral support." Yeah, better to get it from me than someone else.
Although it does make me think of the time that he asked me to go audition for a play with him. He had been talking about wanting to be in a play so I encouraged him to do it, and he said he really needed me there for moral/emotional support when he did it. Well...that is where he met OW is at the damn play. Didn't turn out so well. And to think that I was the one who encouraged it. I often wonder how things would be if he had never been in that play...and if I hadn't encouraged it so much. Ok, I'll let it go. I am rambeling.
I think he will remember tha anniversary...but I don't think there will be any celebrating going on. Maybe I will give him a card whether he gives me one or not. Nothing mushy though. Maybe not even an anniversary card, just a blank one with something written in it. He actually gave me a card at Christmas that he wrote in, so I don't think it would be seen as pushy or pursuing. I won't give a gift though...and I won't expect anything from him, not even a card.
Yeah, well, I'm in the same boat as far as having OW hang out with us one day and then leaving them alone for a few hours, and bam. I definitely kick myself for leaving the house, but whatever. While my H didn't have the balls to leave without someone to run to for comfort, there was an underlying problem and she is mostly a symptom, not a cause.
Besides, in the long run, your M may be much stronger and more open, so everything happens for a reason right?
Finally, you encouraging him to follow his dreams and supporting him is one of the things I am sure he loves about you. It'll pay off in the long run.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
You are right...I just haven't gotten to that whole OW was a symptom, not a cause point. I believe my H was unhappy...but never with our marriage. He was unhappy with the AF and being stuck, not knowing what he wanted to do next. Or...maybe he also just didn't have the balls to leave without someone else to run to. I guess that is a definite possibility.
I do feel like our M can be stronger though. I think both of us (especially me) will not take things and each other for granted like we (especially me) did before. I know that I will be much more appreciative of the time we spend together.
I definitely do try to encourage him and support him. I think this is something he wasn't used to before he met me...he sure never got it from his parents.
Yeah, my H is also unhappy with the Army, school, work, life, etc. He felt he needed to make changes, and I guess it was easier to change us because all the stress had masked the good in our R (and/or if he blames me he can feel better about himself since I was holding him back), while he doesn't actually feel like he has the option to drop out of school and since he got fired work was out of his control.
I think the people who have EAs or PAs or both (unless they are just a$$holes) act out because they feel a lack of control and direction and are miserable/depressed and in denial. The A gives them a sense of doing something to improve their situation (while any rational person would know it only screws things up) and a temporary high from the newness of it all which makes them feel better (temporarily at least).
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I remember in counseling the counselor told me that my H was unhappy and unhappy people make drastic changes in their lives to try to "fix" their unhappiness. She said a lot of times people change jobs or get divorced or change their environment as these are major factors in our lives. She said H was demonstrating all of this by wanting a D, getting out of the AF and moving out of our house. She said he would soon see that none if this will make him happy..which he did see. I guess OW was a safe place for him since she probably wasn't questioning any of these major changes like I was. She couldn't tell he was acting different so didn't question it.
I guess I feel like she empowered him to leave. I know I shouldn't blame OW for everything...maybe it is just easier to blame her than my H. I do know that he made his own decisions though.
Anway...TGIF! I have had another hard week at work and I am ready to relax. I am thinking of asking H to come out with me tonight since he complained of not having anything to do last weekend. Here is the thing...of the friends that I have made since I moved back, only about 2 know that I am married. I just didn't want to get into when I came back and it never has come up. I am not sure how it would make H feel to know that my friends don't even know I am married (my close ones do...just not the ones I have made the past few months). I am not sure how to introduce him either....not sure if he would want me to introduce him as my H...or my friend...seems weird to just call him my friend.
I second the TGIF (although I have my national guard drill this weekend so I do have to work...but that also means I have a Dungeons & Dragons game to look forward to tomorrow night, plus pizza and beer :-D)
Hmm, interesting debate. The simplest solution seems to introduce him by his name. If the person asks how you know each other, let him answer. But only you know if that will work with your H. He may crave the security/love of being introduced as your H again.
He may wonder why they don't know you're married, but considering the D nearly finalized, it should be fairly obvious - you thought you weren't going to be for long. If he asks, you can either say "I don't know them that well" or "I thought I would be D soon".
This stuck me as applying to both our stitches.
Originally Posted By: Dry_Heat
From reading these MLC threads, you should be seeing that "they" are running, and they think they are running from you, but they are really running from themselves. But they don't understand that (some never will) so they run from what they can run from, and blame the easiest target. It't certainly can't be their fault that they are not happy, so it must be your fault. And they run.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Yeah, I would just introduce him by his name. That is if he even goes. H never did like being in crowds where he felt like everybody knew each other and he didn't know anybody. He is social and he is very good at making people feel comfortable...but not in situations where he is the 'newcomer'. I may also decide that I don't want him to come...right now that is my 'safe' place where no one really asks me anything about H or what is going on and I can kind of forget about everything for a little while.
Well, I just ended up eating dinner with H last night and coming home. I was so tired and needed some rest and H was in one of his depressed moods. I know it is because of the job...but he hasn't really been looking very hard. Actually he hasn't been looking at all. He was just hoping he would get that job at my company...which I don't think is going to happen. I would have been out everyday putting in applications...but I guess that's just me.
I have a cousin that is about my age. Both she and her H are close friends of me and my H, they were both in our wedding and we were in theirs. Well, she had an A and they got D last month. They came up in conversation and H was going on and on about what a fool she was. He was saying why would she leave him for this guy, she had it so good and she just screwed everything up. I am thinking HELLO!!...there are plenty of people asking the same question about YOU. I didn't say anything...but I can't see why he couldn't apply any of his thinking to himself.
When I left he hugged me tight and held me for a long time and kissed me on the forehead. I asked him if he wanted me to back off some because I always call him and he never calls me. He said no, the reason he didn't call me is because he doesn't want to bug me or assume that I would want to do something with him. Then before I left I asked if I could have a kiss...he said I didn't have to ask, that I could ALWAYS have a kiss from him (ha..how am I supposed to know as that wasn't the case at one time).
I think we are moving in the right direction. I am just frustrated about the job and his lack of motivation to find one.
