I have changed, but I'm still my own worst enemy, I know. cac did give me a nice big hug earlier, BTW. He has always been a great hugger. He used to hug me way back in college when we were just pals. Anyway, I know he is very appreciative of my efforts and I feel more loved now than I have in a long time.
No, he's not easy, and I wouldn't want him to be either. The interesting thing is that way back he *appeared* to be easy, meaning that he seemed very laid-back and "whatever" about everything. I have come to realize that he is a lot more complex and "deep" (great depth) than I used to think. I'm not the only giant onion that is being unpeeled layer by layer. And that is a good thing.
This whole ADD/IQ thing is huge for me. It actually should help me stop beating myself up. cac used to get really frustrated with me when I'd say I couldn't do something like train for an IT job as he did, for example. I feared doing something like that because of my struggles with remembering and learning. He always saw me as an intelligent woman and believed that I could do something if I tried, so he would lose patience with my negativity about myself. But at the time, I didn't understand that his attitude was a testament to how positively he viewed me. I thought he didn't understand me, that he didn't empathize with my situation, and that made me feel even worse. Now I am starting to see myself as cac's intellectual equal, something that I never thought I was, which made me feel inferior and defensive.
When I was leaving the C's office the other day I told her that I felt stronger, and I do. I have been posting and haven't been second-guessing myself like I was before. I feel less afraid to reveal myself here and that's a big change for me. I feel like I'm not only owning my sexuality, I'm owning ME. I've spent most of my life hiding myself from all but those closest to me and now I'm starting to come out of my shell and it feels good!
Now, you need to stop saying that you don't come across as kind. I think you do. You care about the members of this community and it shows in all your posts. We're lucky to have you.
You care about the members of this community and it shows in all your posts. We're lucky to have you.