just changing the way we thought about each other and treated each other and opened up to each other made a big difference. The feeling followed the behavior, instead of the other way around.
That's exactly it! The feeling followed the behavior. When you act loving, then you feel loving.
I was in love with being in love, and always looking for the thrill of the new love, of discovering the new person. Bad habit. It's hard to make the everyday warmth of a compatible relationship stand out compared to that. Letting go of the desire to have that thrill freed me up to discover the depths of a committed love. It is a very nice thing, like being wrapped in a warm blanket that protects you from a callous world.
The wife of our Post session couple always used to say that love after retrouvaille was better than new love. I thought she was deluded. After all, how could love with my now old spouse be better than our love when we were young and "hot"? But as time goes along, I begin to see what she means. It is a different kind of love bred of knowledge and understanding, no longer about discovery. It is warm and quiet and easy. It is the joy of seeing our whole family together at the dinner table on special occasions, of sharing the same special stories and events. You can break the family apart and start over with someone new, but you can never have that kind of understanding together.
