Tired and giving up

[lodo]

Good luck Luv, even if he doesn't seem to notice, it will sink in on some level. The important thing is to feel good about your changes yourself, because they make you a better person.

I agree to be kind to yourself (the big) IF backsliding happens - I do the same thing as MMC, overexplaining, making amends, etc. and it has only confused the dynamics.

[Yoyowife]

Luv,
I think he will notice the changes. You are much calmer now than you were when you first started posting.

Hang in there, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

[LuvMyHusband]

thanks everyone. Your words of encouragement mean alot. Last night I spoke to him for a few minutes, S13's birthday is the 21st. My H is not planning on being here and wants to celebrate early. Of course when I ask him why he can't make it (he's not working so doesn't have any conflicts), he gets hostile and irritated because I asked. He ended up hanging up on me.

Anyway, I sent him a text and said that nothing he does or says is going to take away from my changes. That I have changed alot, I have a loving heart and have had other people notice and tell me what a beautiful caring heart I have.

He called me and started questioning me about this. I calmly and quietly responded with that he has free agency, he can either choose to view me as I used to be or accept that I am not the same person, that I am better. I could tell he was not sure how to handle this about me. He tried to get a little argumentive. I did not fall into it. I calmly said "have a safe drive, be careful, the kids and I have some nice things planned for you and I'll see you tomorrow.

Please note that this is the first time he has voluntarily called me in months! He did say that he was not judging me, that he knew I was making changes and that he never said I wasn't a loving person. I didn't comment.

[LuvMyHusband]

Yoyo, I am learning that I can control my emotions. I am also starting to realize what my triggers are and I am working on controlling my emotions before reacting. I used to be really reactive, I'm doing much better. I am really happy with my changes. I do feel different. I truly care about my H and want to make him happy. I will be focusing on him this weekend, without smothering, and I don't have any expectations.

[Yoyowife]

Luv,
You are doing well. I have one suggestion though. Everything I've read says not to tell them that you have changed. They will think it's insincere. Just let him notice on his own. He'll notice...

[LuvMyHusband]

ok, got it. Thanks Yoyo. My kids have noticed the difference in me too. D8 will look at me and say Mom why are you so happy? Your happi-er.

[LuvMyHusband]

Hi All, just a quick check in. Things are going well, very well actually. I hope it keeps up. We are selling our home and he suprised me last night by talking about where we might move. I'm not showing too much. We will see. I think we are going on a "date" tonight. Maybe a movie without the kids.

[LuvMyHusband]

hey all, I have a new topic. It's called Feeling Hope. check it out. Have a great day!