Well this is my first post to DB forum. I am a 48 year old man who has been married to the same wonderful women for 20 years. We have 3 great boys 12, 16 and 18 a wonderful home outside of New York City and until 2 months ago a pretty dam good life. Don't get me wrong my marrage has not been great for about five years. My wife has a horrible way of getting her message across (delivered) and a while ago it really shut me down both sexualy and mentally. We had a great deal of difficulty communicating because of the way we delivered messages. We both work very hard and are all set financialy. A friend introduced me to DB about a week ago and I had my first consultation with Jody last Thursday. (she is awsome).
Well, to make a long story short just before x-mas I got the letter from the lawyer saying W wanted to dissolve the marrage due to irreconsilable differences. This turned my whole world upside down and i have made a dramatic change where the only thing that matters is fixing this and keeping my family together. I came on much to strong and smothered my bride which she did not appreciate much at all. I guess she just thought i was going to walk away. I never relized before this letter how much I truely love her and how important she is to me and the boys. I have done a complete turn about and started begging, crying and pleading with her not to do this. I have never cried in my life but now I cry most of the day. (All of the above DB tells you not to do). I did convince W not to go through with the D filing and to go to therapy with me which we have been doing. She is saying she loves me and is very concerned for me but has lost the feeling and does not know if she can get it back.
My W has had a very difficult year, she lost a best friend to cancer, had to move her dieing mother from her home in Maine to NJ by us into a nursing home, had problems with our 18 yr old and then me on top of that. I guess she thinks if she gets rid of me it will be one less problem.
After explaining my situation in my first consultation w Jody she said I have a very typical Walk Away Wife stuck in a MLC.
W has had a emotional freindship with a guy in her industry who she says is just guiding her through her difficulties. I spoke with him and he assured me nothing is going on just a freindship. They have met several times in bars with mutual freinds but I don't think anything is going on. He told me he advised her to do whatever was best for the family.
I am having great difficulties following Jody's advice such as 1) no relationship talk 2)don't tell her you love her 3)No Physical contact 4)Ask for nothing, pleading, crying 5) Patients is the hardest part for I am a very high pressure salesman in the software industry.
I believe that she is confused and stuck in the MLC walk away wife tunnel but I want her back so bad I can think of nothing else. I am hurting so bad where up until 2 months ago I was the happiest guy on earth.
We both are sleepin the same bed every night but there is little or no contact which is killing me. When she does kiss or hugg me it is quickly followed by "don't take that the wrong way" which makes me go to the boys room and cry very hard. She keeps saying that she does not have "that feeling yet" and when I ask her to make love she says "I am not there yet."
I am optpmistic for three reasons. We both live in the same house and have been getting along much better after following DB advise as best I can, she has been going to therapy with me and she has only spent one hour on the phone with her lawyer to get that first letter out and that's it. She does keep telling the therapist that she wants a physical seperation but i am not leaving the house for i could never leave my boys, I love them so much.
Next week she leaves on a cruise with 40 family members for 12 days ( I was invited but declined back in July for i don't like cruises and didn't want to spend 12 straight days with anyone).
I am hurting really, really bad and would appriciate any help anyone can offer. I love her so much. BTW: I got smart and got myself some Lexapro antidepressnets which have not kicked in yet.
My Best to you.
M20 3kids
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