I had some interesting phone calls with W and her best friend last night.
In the first call from W, she was keying off the letter I wrote her yesterday. She said that she had been wanting to talk this weekend about herself returning to our M, but that she can read I have changed and that I am ok moving ahead with the D. I told her to open up and tell my why all of sudden the change of heart. She could not say. She asked what it would take for me to have her back. I told her I need to hear first why she wants back. She would not say as she is stubborn.
I then called her best friend so as to help me figure out my W's motives. The best friend does not approve of what my W has done, however, she does strongly believe that our M can be saved. She told me about some friends of hers that went through a similar problem like ours and saved their M. I kept telling her that I just did not have any love for W anymore and it would be up to W to convince me otherwise. I told her that my family and friends want me to just move on and that I feel that I can find someone better than W. She pleaded with us to wait it out longer - she said that a D is just a piece of paper. She told me to think deeply about what is in my heart.
I called W later in the evening to try and see if she would open up more. It was probably bad timing as the kids were still up, however, she did talk about what has been happening with her mind over the last week. She said that each time she wanted to talk to me seriously about the possibility of coming back, something would happen (ie. her teacher friend getting outraged). She also mentioned that she got some encouragement from another teacher about her seeing a counselor to help in dealing with her inner self. I did not hear anything from her where she indicated that she loved me and that she wanted to return to being a good wife. As far as I can tell, I think that I have been the safety net and now that she has messed up her life so bad, that she wants to come back to me wanting me to fix everything for her.
We may have a face to face talk tonight. I will listen. My feelings now are that I hate getting a D for the fact that it splits the kids time with each of us, it makes it more difficult for one parent at a time to raise the kids, and the financial situation gets hit hard. I miss the family bond we once had. However, I am now the WAH and it would be up to my W to convince me that our M could be reborn. I know that there is a way back, but I dont think she has the strength or couage to do that. I think that it is her culture and pride which prevents her from seeking redemption and admitting she has done wrong. She knows that members of my family will never look at her the same and that she has betrayed my trust.
As a start, I think she would have to promise to never go out to night clubs without me again. No girls night out either. She has shown that she cant be trusted. Also, she would have to severe ties with all the OM she had met in the bars, including the one she is living with now. She would need to go to a personal counselor, marriage counseling, Retrouville, watch Michelle's "Keeping the love Alive" dvd, and read R books. She will need to learn to open up to me and not keep secrets to herself. She will need to try and patch up her relationship with her mother and brother. Most of all, she needs to convince me that our family and myself are the most important thing in her life.
It would take quite a while to rebuild by love for her and I dont know if it can be done. She will need to change. She will need to show me that she wants to do something with her life and that she can make herself happy on her own. The biggest hurdle she faces now is that I know that there are much better ladies out there that I can fall in love with. She needs to be one of those ladies that a man would consider a keeper.
