Mermaid - this 'being friends' with our spouse is a tricky one. I wonder if it doesnt have a lot to do with the manner of their leaving and subsequent behaviour? As well as our own moral framework.
I sense that the world thinks we are'immature' for not having a cordial relationshp with someone who has behaved appallingly. We are told it is 'better' for the children. I remain unconvinced, not because of my own sitch, but because of what I know and have seen with others. Children are not fools. Very often they go along with nicey nicey because it is easiest for everyone. Most children have a very clear moral code. They believe in trust and loyalty. But they also want to have both their parents in their life, and will go along with what keeps that.
If we can be cordial that it is probably better for our kids on one level, but I don't thnk we should fool ourselves that they don't come to their own views as they grow up.
Your example is supremely important, as as you are clearly not eaten up with bitterness, your girls will make their own judgement in all of this. IMO. Some of these people, in any case, make it almost impossible for any kind of r . . . .
FOund your thread! Happy New Year! For what it is worth, I do can not see being cordial to OW. I am of the mindset, that if that is what H has chosen to do, that you let the kids know that it is his decision, that you will respect their relationship with OW, but that you can not condone it. Not sure if that is the right advise, but that is the stance that I took.
For me, my kids figured it out quick. I also told them that,although they did not have to like OW, she was an adult and they ahd to be respectful........ WELL, she was so much like a child around them, they just shut down and refused to be with their dad if she was around.......
Anyway, I coould write a book......but I won't!!
I'm just checking in my friend! Happy 2008!! Wow, what a long strange trip it's been......
I'm great, kids are great, and (s00n) when I get some "real" free time, I promise to post about my LONG journey since 9/11/2001.......... It feels like dog years!
Continue to be strong- God Bless- Kel
PS- Where the heck is Mea....I miss her so much!! AKA mea-nie.....
