Financially, I'm an idiot. I have a lot of other abilites, but not that one.
FLTC, they have various books called Fiances (or whatever)for Dummies! I have been checking them out at the library on a regular basis. Start learning! Once you get back to the states you can take a course at the local community college. Maybe there is a correspondance course you can take.
I know how busy you are. I am very touched that you stopped by my thread to post. Thank you.
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An attorney and an engineer? What happened?
They don't teach you how to make good R choices in school. I wish they had offered an elective on "How To Attract Healthy R's."
I have been doing a self paced course the past 5 years - and am seeing positive changed in my friendship R's. I tend to like strong, intelligent, and attractive men (and yes as you noticed - I am superficial and shallow) - but haven't figured out how exactly how an R works with one of those... Men like that have a mind of their own and actually disagree with me at times - which really complicates it all!
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I’m not a quitter. On anything. Never have been. I’m a big believer in commitment.
I know you are not a quitter. I am the same way. But unfortunately, it takes two to be in an R - and if one person jumps ship, there is very little you can do about it. All you can do is work towards acceptance, take care of yourself, and make sure that the one that has jumped ship doesn't take you down with them.
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WHY DO MOST (not all, but most) GUYS MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE THAT THEY PAID FOR, WHEN THEIR W. WANTS OUT, AND THEY DON’T?
You should have consulted The X when you moved out - you did it all wrong! LOL! He moved into a nice apartment every time, furnished it with furniture, even paid a hefty sum a month for a garage for his Beemer. I suspect his Beemer had a nicer garage to sleep in than you did!
I guess most guys do what you did b/c they are trying to be nice and chivalrous about the whole thing. Most men have a hard time with the idea of their W's living in a garage or on the streets. Don't beat yourself up for being a decent human being.
I am glad to hear that this time you are getting a nicer place to live for yourself. It will be a nicer place for your kids to visit and spend time with you.
With respect to D17 - what is the service organization? I have heard about some Habitat for Humanity projects where you pay your way there and then volunteer. That type of thing is not glamorous and it's a lot of hard work. 5K sounds a little high - Vietnam is not an expensive place. She may be padding it a little. Her parents are contemplating a D - children sometimes use that to their advantage...
Talk to D17 about it and get more info on the what and the why. Trust but verify - look it up on the Internet. It may go her good to go out into the real world and see how the not so rich parts of the world live. Act "as if" this is a decision that you and D17 are making together.
And if you can't swing the 5k right now - well talk to her. This is an expensive trip even if you and W weren't having issues.
W. sent me 2 potential scholarship opportunities for D17, which are for children of deployed servicemembers. One has a deadline of 20 Feb, and requires transcripts and it needs to be mailed to the nearest commissary (military supermarket on an active duty installation), which is one state over from where my state is. I emailed all the stuff needed to W., and explain that I didn't think I could get all the stuff together and submit it on time from Iraq. I layed out a step-by-step peocess how to apply, and attached everything.
She responded today saying (exactly, cut and paste from the email):
"I'd appreciate you doing it...I am overwhelmed at this point. The kids need a huge amount of my time right now as well. Thanks."
I wrote her back, and said, Sure, I'll do it, but I had asked you to do it because the mail to the commissary would take 3 days from where you are, and it may not make it from Iraq on time. I got it. It'll be out of here tomorrow. Maybe she is overwhelmed. Who knows? But just wait...........
Overwhelmed? What will happen when you file for divorce, and your income is cut drastically, and we now have college bills to pay? And oh, yeah....what about the kids then? You think they'll need a little more than time.
The anger and resentment of this woman seems to know no boundaries. For someone so smart, she jsut doesn't seem to get it.
Side note: Trick of the week is al Queda using mentally retarded women as suicide bombers, and remotely detonating them. Car bomb killed about 12 including kids one town over.
Hmmm....small, small cracks are appearing. I think your wife was a bit shocked (no, she wouldn't say that) with the whole financial backbone thing. Don't discount her attempts at civil communication so readily.
You're still carrying a lot of anger, justly in my opinion, but you have to find a way past that to civility. Sounds like you're doing a good balancing act with your communication.
Just remember, no relationship discussions (if she makes an effort to communicate more), don't jump on the chance if presented. Keep responding when she writes, but remember the 180 principle (read up on it if you have a chance) and keep doing what works.
Yes, there is real evil in this world, FLTC and you get the graphically open variation. There's a lot of hidden real evil as well so keep your eyes open.
FLTC I saw that trick with unwitting African Arabs doing the bombs. If you can make it unsafe for the trigger holders that is a good thing. Best wishes
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
I must first say that you folks are amazing. I don't have the time to "Jones" over this board the way I used to, so all I do is read, grow my own thread, and log off.
I rarely read and post to any of your threads, yet every time I post here, you guys are right there for me. I didn't even get that from my W. in the good days. You guys give without getting. You are truly awesome, and help to keep up my spirits tremedously!
Happy: You don't even know me, but you offered to go to Ft. Jackson. Thanks so much! I did find the clause that said if you can't carry it, you can mail it, so it's in the mail today. Took all morning to do. Morning, because it's 11:01 here, 3:11 on the East Coast.
NH: Thanks. She's about as calcified as can be, so I don't anticipate anything. She would really have to change in a variety of ways. She's stressed out. I get that, but a lot of it is how she reacts to EVERYTHING: from a long line at the supermarket to my daughter17 being out of control. She is an ABSOLUTE control freak, so although she purportedly wants me to "TAKE CHARGE" of things, she would never really allow it.
Matilda/Hill: This is an ugly place, as you well know. al Queda cuts off the fingers of people they find smoking, and a couple of months ago, broke the arm of a 10 year old they found playing a video game!They've also put bombs into children's toy carts! Wahhabism at it's best!
Just keep in mind that you may want her, the better her that is, but you don't NEED her. Keep up the good fight and think positive thoughts. It may not work as said to bring about what you want but it's more pleasant than walking around in a dark cloud.
Yeah, you're right. As you know, the emotions go in cycles. It gets so frustrating at times, because I get glimpses of her, and she is still the white hot intense person I left over a year ago. She is like a raw, gaping wound all the time, over everything.
D17 came home for a home visit from her school. when she was being taken back to the airport, W. told her how dissappointed that D15 and S9 were that they didn't see more of her, and how sad the were that she didn't spend more time with them. W. reported that they were in tears.(I'm finding that a little hard to buy). Well, why didn't W. set the paratmters for the visit, and why is it unusual to think that a 17 year old high school graduate might want to spend more time with her friend who she hasn't seen in over a year? That's what kids do......they grow away from you.
