We need to learn to appreciate what's at our feet in the moment realizing it could be gone or replaced in the next. We cling so desperately to what we've acquired thinking we deserve it, we earned it. We start looking at life as if there were a scarcity of things that make us happy. We do anything to hold on to it, because there is no substitute for it. If we learn to look at life as if there is an abundance and it's ours for the taking, loss wouldn't make us so unhappy. We can simply let go and look a head to the next treasure we dig up. It's out there all around us. It won't matter in the end because we are not going to take anything in this world with us when we are gone. Our best hope is to leave some goodwill behind.
My anger has dissipated because I'm learning to live in the moment and enjoy what is in front of me at the time. It took me a while to understand and recognize the truth in this principle. It has calmed the hurt and anxiety in me.
Thanks for these thoughts. I've been where I'm at for so long because I didn't think there was any 'abundance' in the world, that I was being robbed of my happiness.
Instead, I was looking past it for too long, not seeing that it was there to be manifested by me, in the form of doing the things that make me happy. Of spending the real quality time with my daughters and with my wife. Of just deciding to be happy.
As I'm typing these thoughts, I see in my minds eye images of my W, D12 and D17 and I doing fun things together in the past. W is laughing and the love is present. So, I do know HOW to be happy and manifest it in my life around me. It HAS existed and was real.
Now, I'll make it exist again. My reality may be one of a man who has a wife that is leaving but it's also of a man who still, after all the trials I've been through, has a huge heart and is a loving and caring person.
And I still have plenty of years to leave behind some 'good will'. I pray and hope that all the good I've been able to contribute to others on this board hasn't been overshadowed by my recent fall from grace and by me losing some of my calmness and control of my emotions.
There are some people here who are pissed at me because I slipped into some real fear and anger, and I'm hoping that the anger that they are feeling because I didn't use my words impeccably and I didn't take a moment to appreciate their help before responding with my own anger and frustrations hasn't had a negative effect on their lives and situations.
Is the 'old Frank' back? Somewhat. I think it's more like the 'New Frank' is under construction. Thanks for being patient with me.
