a new 2mrw, don,t wish to put a negative spin on this but "moving in with ow is just the best thing to shake the shine off the r." Had I listened to this 7years on the shine still seems to be there they are married and I would have been living on the poverty line had I not just got that peice of paper! Sorry but sometimes we need that bit of paper for financial reasons and for me at least after 3 years of just waiting and standing it helped me let go. We are all in very different circumstances and laws vary in different places. It is sometimes easy to trot out cliche's like ow is just a bandaid,affairs only last 6 mths. This is just my opinion and we all must make our own but for me that peice of paper was what I needed for me to move on. Am I still standing? well I have no one else in my life,had a couple of dates but wasn,t for me. My h is remarried these past 3 years and we have no contact, so I guess I am not because he would have o leave his 2nd wife and it all gets too complicated for me. Cagzmom, you will do what is right for you when it's right for you. Blessings to you.
I know this is hard. But tell me, what purpose does it serve for you to file? If you think it's going to give you peace, it's not. You can find your peace without filing. Your H already has his freedom, if thats what you want to call it, but now it's time for you to find yours. You can do this without filing.
He is going to move in with her......hmmmm. YAY!! The r will wear itself out. The novelty of it will be gone. His underwear will be lying on the floor and it will drive her batshit crazy.
A small story. My son, 26 has a girlfriend of a year now. Well, his job sent him to Tampa for two weeks of classes, guess where he is staying, yes with his girlfriend who lives there. Guess who is not a happy camper at all? Yup.....you see, the novelty is not what it seemed.
What can you do Cagz, to let your h hit bottom? What can you do to stop the madness in your head? The attitude you portray on here is it the same as you portray to H?
Remember, if it is not working then change it and do something different.
Find a way, any way, to slow yourself down. To learn to stop and digest what he is saying to you without reacting to it. Counter react. How can you do this?
You don't want to have it all done and over. You want your h home and life to continue. It will not happen like that. You want peace restored. This you can do...for yourself. Do it Cagz, without filing.
Hugs
Jeanette
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
on here it is alot of me telling you guys what is going on in my head. What does he see?? I sees a women moving forward- not needy- doesn't nag- happy- peaceful and nice.
when it comes to my daughter i do have to bring up some issues (ie. sleeping in the same bed with ow on weekend trips, and my daughters desire to be with her dad..) My counselor gives me much guidance in regards to that. my daughter has done well, but sometimes she has asked me to be her voice while she stands next to me.
i love your thought about his underware. made me smile.
Everyone in my life tell me I am stupid - and that I should file. in my heart I truly think he will do it...she will push for it -that I am sure.
what do i want? i want to let go. i want my best friend to WAKE UP from within the monster taht he is living. i want my husband to fall to his knees and become broekn and hit bottom so he can start working on himself.
i want for me to be able to not think about him day in an day out. i want friends in my life that make me laugh. i want to show my kids that i am a woman of character. i want to excercise again like i did for 10 years. i want to do well at my job and get promoted. i want to stop wanting for him to come home and for me to just move forward no matter what.
thank you for reminding me to think about me...
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
i want for me to be able to not think about him day in an day out. i want friends in my life that make me laugh. i want to show my kids that i am a woman of character. i want to excercise again like i did for 10 years. i want to do well at my job and get promoted. i want to stop wanting for him to come home and for me to just move forward no matter what.
These are all 'I' phrases. This is good. You have made a start now you need to go out and do them. Take them one at a time. As I see it the easiest one to implement first will be the exercising. You will actually achieve more than your primary aim here b/c whilst you are exercising you won't be thinking about H you will be thinking how much it hurts when you haven't done it for so long You will look and feel good. This will raise your self esteem. This will enhance your possibilities of doing well at your job and getting promoted as 'happy' people seek thier own development opportunities. You will probably also meet new friends this way. They may or may not make you laugh. Your H may look at you and think 'Wow, what the hell am I doing' however he may not. It won't matter b/c you will be moving on and starting to let go. IF he wants to come home it WILL be on your terms not his b/c by then you will have raised your self esteem so far that you will know what it is you actually want.
So what's your favourite mode of exercise and when can you fit it into your schedule? Now book it.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Wierdest thing in the WORLD! Yesterday had to see H to get child support $$. He has been sick and this was suppose to be his weekend with D11 but I dont need her having a fever and yuck so its all good.
Anyway, when I saw him I got in his car to go over some "financials". We talked for a bit - he looked like *hit. (he really is sick). We were talking about the final stages of the seperation papers (financial) and he was telling me that he has ruined his credit so bad this past year that he can't even rent a new apartment....he was open and the time was right so I said: H - it has been a year- in 1 month you can file, are you going to? He said "dont know cagzmom"..I said it is wierd a year has gone by and you seem like your in the same place that you were back in June (suicide attempt) are you happy? he said no first - then said some days...I said inside H are you happy..he said no. I said do u still think about hurting yourself? he said yes...then I said...go to counseling H.
I said this past year nothing has changed for you -you left me because you thought it was me and your still the same. I said I almost need to thank you. I have grown H---if this wouldn't have happened I would not be where I am today...and in a wierd way I think I need to thank you, because I am good...I have grown.
I told him about my new job and he said I am really proud of you... I told him that it was sad for me because i wanted to sahre that with my best friend --- and you are also my x ---- i said I dont have a best friend anymore. He said ..neither do i.. I said you have ow ..he said it isn't the same.....
Then I said H - in this entire thing you have never come out adn said I want a D. Do you? He said ... I don't know...
just was interesting and good for me..
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
I know this is hard. But tell me, what purpose does it serve for you to file? If you think it's going to give you peace, it's not. You can find your peace without filing. Your H already has his freedom, if thats what you want to call it, but now it's time for you to find yours. You can do this without filing.
He is going to move in with her......hmmmm. YAY!! The r will wear itself out. The novelty of it will be gone. His underwear will be lying on the floor and it will drive her batshit crazy.
A small story. My son, 26 has a girlfriend of a year now. Well, his job sent him to Tampa for two weeks of classes, guess where he is staying, yes with his girlfriend who lives there. Guess who is not a happy camper at all? Yup.....you see, the novelty is not what it seemed.
What can you do Cagz, to let your h hit bottom? What can you do to stop the madness in your head? The attitude you portray on here is it the same as you portray to H?
Remember, if it is not working then change it and do something different.
Find a way, any way, to slow yourself down. To learn to stop and digest what he is saying to you without reacting to it. Counter react. How can you do this?
You don't want to have it all done and over. You want your h home and life to continue. It will not happen like that. You want peace restored. This you can do...for yourself. Do it Cagz, without filing.
Hugs
Jeanette
It's inmaterial if you file for D or not, if they want to come back, they will.
You will look and feel good. This will raise your self esteem. This will enhance your possibilities of doing well at your job and getting promoted as 'happy' people seek thier own development opportunities. You will probably also meet new friends this way. They may or may not make you laugh. Your H may look at you and think 'Wow, what the hell am I doing' however he may not. It won't matter b/c you will be moving on and starting to let go. IF he wants to come home it WILL be on your terms not his b/c by then you will have raised your self esteem so far that you will know what it is you actually want.