I know I'm going to get blasted for this but I already know I made mistakes yesterday DBing. H and I and the kids went out to Pizza Hut at his suggestion(I think H was feeling guilt over the trip he is taking with the OW this weekend b/c normally I cook).
Had a great time there, laughing and talking, and on the way back, we were chatting about his job, which pre-affair he wouldn't do with me, I would try to fix things or be more critical of H's type-A boss, now I just talk as a friend and am more detached so we had a friendly chat. Then H out of the blue right after that said Have you been working on acceptance of our divorce with your counselor? I said something like well, you shouldn't worry about me, you should just be focused on your own counseling. And that's all I said.
Thinking later (which right there I probably should not have done) I sent H an email (You know how I like to write and I copied and pasted it here: In my counseling sessions my counselor has spent a good amount of every session, there have only been 3 so far, but one of her main goals seems to be to convince me that I would be very happy if I am not married to you so I think you should be not worried at all. She is definitely trying to get me to accept divorce. But we have also talked about my childhood & parents' marriages & how we replay that in our marriages, my brother's brain tumor, the play,co-dependency, etc.. I've only had 3 sessions, so you can only expect me to have so much acceptance so fast and we've been married 18 years! (Yes, I know I need to work on the acceptance area as you pointed out tonight, but internally I am changing about that, even though you might not be able to see it.) I think I've done a great job with my therapy and working on myself and most people would be amazed at what I've accomplished in many areas pretty quickly but you seem to focus more on my negatives rather than positives--maybe a big reason why you weren't/aren't happy with me?
Then he emailed me back something like: Yes, I think you've done a great job, but I just wanted you to know where we still are.
Then H threw about 2 loads of clothing into the laundry room that he had in his car from hotel visits with the OW that he wanted to take on the trip this weekend with her, and I stayed up until almost 1am washing them and the other load or so that was in there, so he could have his favorite clothes. I know I should have just gone to bed at my usual time, but something in me just wanted him to have his favorite shirts and everything, even though he treats me like dirt. I obviously have a screw loose (or 2) and need therapy for a very, very long time!!!! Karen43
