She's Gone - No Contact

[saffie]

K,

I am sorry that you are here.

Having read through your posts and the responses, ( and you have some great supporters), my observation would be to remain NC unless she contacts you.

You are not dealing with just a R that has gone wrong for whatever reason, but also with a partner who is in some kind of denial as to who they truly are. It would seem to me that everytime you make any sort of contact you remind her of what she is trying to forget.

If at any time in the future your R was to work she is going to have had to come to terms with being who she is and that will probably take a really long time and lots of counselling.

If you want to hold out in the , (IMHO small), hope that that will happen, then use the time usefully and do all the activities you want to do to improve you and your life. If she does want a R with you in the future she will find you when she is ready.

As for the children point that Nikki raised - when you have children together then you know that you will always have some connection with your partner. However, personally, I do not believe having children together is a good enough reason for living together - you need to love your partner regardless. Children are better being brought up by two happily separated parents rather than two together fighting ones in my opinion, ( having personally lived through it).

K - your R is no different to anyone elses on the boards - you will find people on here who are/were in hetro R's and whose P has 'outed' themself; they have similar troubles.

I hope you find happiness that is not dependent on your partner as I think she has a very long journey ahead of her and suspect that she cannot cope with your hurt on top of her own misery at being so mixed up about her sexual orientation.I expect contact with you makes her feel guilty.

Whatever you do, don't blame yourself completely for what has happened - we all contribute and detract from our Rships. but your has this added complication that makes it even harder and is not really about you but about her and her life and her journey. It sounds like she is running away in shame from her past and you would be best to forget her for your own sanity.