I agree with Corri, the brain is the greatest aphrodisiac. You don't control your mind. But that doesn't mean that you can't learn to have better control over it. Can you control your mind to desire your own husband? Certainly. And I'm with the others, I don't buy all that stuff about never desiring him. I didn't have sex on my wedding night either. And that means what? We were tired.
I wasted years of my life mooning over a man I didn't have, and treated the one who came home to me every night pretty poorly. We went to Retrouvaille. I learned a lot at Retrouvaille. I learned that you get back what you give out. That love is it's own reward. And as Just Me said, love is a decision, not a feeling. I know now that I do love my husband. And that man whose idea I loved for 25 years? I barely know him. It's really sad. I wasted most of my married life disliking my husband because he wasn't perfect. Because he didn't fix everything like my friend's husband did. And he didn't involve himself with the kids like my father did. And he didn't make as much money as my sister's husband did. I can go on. The point is, that was a lot of wrong-headed thinking and it drove my husband into another woman's bed and almost got me divorced. But it did wake me up. The way I see it, you haven't had the crisis I did, because you have been the WAW. You never had the feelings the LBS experiences. So you don't know how it feels to be rejected. And you don't know in your gut as Joni Mitchell said, "You don't know what you got til it's gone."
Retrouvaille is more than one weekend. There are 6 follow-up sessions that deal with many topics beyond the weekend. One of them is sex and intimacy. Did you do the Post sessions? You cannot expect that just the weekend will heal your marriage. Or even that the entire program will heal your marriage. It is your responsibility to heal your marriage if that is what you want to do. I just wonder if that is what you want to do. It sounds like you don't want to give up the idea that you will find that perfect someone who will sweep you off your feet. I remember clearly in one of the last Post sessions writing about feeling happy that my husband and I were getting along so well, and life was good with him. But I also was sad to think that I would never fall in love again with another man. And realizing that I finally, after 28 years of marriage, had to give up that fantasy. I think one of the goals of life is to grow up. For me, letting go of that fantasy was growing up, and I was damn late doing it.
