You are doing very well. You really are. I think you need to be a little kinder with yourself, overall... and you can continue to improve... but I really think you need to give yourself a WHOLE lot of credit... and if CAC is reading, maybe he can give you a nice hug for your efforts, too. (AHEM)
BEING someone who has come up against CAC full-throttle whistling in the dark, wanting to forget it all, I can... uhm... understand the man is not... uhm... the easiest endeavor in your life.
But... would you want him to be?
He is a man of great passion. He loves deeply because he hurts deeply. You can't have one without the other.
So he is not a man who sits and opens his emotions to you on a daily basis. Well, that's tough for us LD ladies. But for you to sit here and bash yourself for what you HAVE NOT YET done... I dunno. I want to say to you.... 'hey, stop beating up on my friend Mrs. Cac. You're stealing my job.'
You are finding your way. You cannot expect you to 'GET IT' overnight, any more than you can expect your son to fly a plane at four. kwis?
Cac is... Cac. He is who he is. He may show up here and respond, as a man, to a post that is going to leave you feeling uncomfortable sometimes. But that doesn't mean he is slamming you. He's not hiding himself... you openly communicate here. Do you have any understanding of how HUGE that is? Think of all the HD's who post here who WISH their wives would show up... kwis?
I KNOW how hard it is for you... and you don't hide it. You are TRYING. You ARE making progress... even if, in your quiet moments, you want to give up and say to everyone... no, no, I just can't DO it, it isn't IN ME!!!
Sure it is. It's okay to doubt. It's okay that it is hard. It is okay that some days you just want to give up.
But you... don't. You don't give up. You continue to try and find your way. You show up here, and you post, and you say... "golly, with all you HD folk, I just feel so alone sometimes."
You aren't alone. I'm here. I know exactly what you are feeling. I know I don't come across as the kindest person sometimes... a lot of times... but you keep posting Mrs. Cac. Vent. Talk about ADD and your fears and whatever... everyone here, though you may feel pressured... wants to see you succeed... not for them, not for CAC... just for you, because they care about YOU. And we all care about CAC, too... but we all care about YOU for YOU. Not simply because we want to see CAC get laid.
Everyone here WISHES you were their spouse. Showing up here, posting, trying.
Let up on my friend, Mrs. Cac. She's a helluva girl.
