Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Right after our second separation, and before I wised up to stop pursuing her, I literally tracked her down on the road and surprised the crap out of her by walking up to her door while stopped at a traffic light. I then proceeded to hand her a slew of poems that I had crafted, with her as the subject and inspiration.
Kind of amazing sometimes what can come out of these trying times.
I had a few spare moments now and wanted to voice a particular idea that is beginning to consume my mind.
I had the chance to spend a little time with a very dear friend and co-worker of mine who I have confided quite a few details of my M sitch with over a fairly long period of time. It had been a couple of months since he and I had talked. When he and I get the chance to talk it is usually pretty enlightening for me and we inevitably have a good mix of Christian viewpoint s to riccochet off one another. Unfortunately , he is now 1 yr post-divorce and has to young kids. So, he makes an excellent sounding board for me to express myself with and he can share his wealth of experience from his almost 15 yrs of M.
So to cut the heart of my recent talk with him, as we concluded out talk we wound up talking about how my wife has always been up front about her intense physical attraction to me. I had shared with him the odd exchange of dialogue between W & I initially on Tues night before the bomb drop. She joking accused me of staring at her bust and I did not consciously feel that I had been. But as she was quizzing me if I could guess what the measurements of her bra was and asking me whether I noticed any difference in her breasts, there was a part of me that wanted to blurt out that I would really like to examine them a little more closely. Whether right or wrong, I chose to hold my tongue at that moment. And I am kind of wishing that I had been more daring than that.
Through all of our endless verbal fights, confrontations, hostilities and what not there is one thing that has remained a constant.
We have never let these terrible episodes interfere with our ML. I know my primary love language is physical contact and I am not quite sure of hers. A couple of weeks just prior to our most recent blow up we were sitting at a pub, which was kind of uncommon for us, and she was fairly inebriated and (also uncommon) and she incessantly was whispering in my ear that she had always been afraid to really let me know just how much control I truly had over her because of what I could do for her when we ML. And she kept going on about this and stressed that there would be no way she could ever let me go from her life.
I do not know how much of this may have been polite ego stroking towards me or what. But she has never really fully kept it a secret that she is tremendously satisfied with me ML to her. It just so happens that this was a very overt way of her expressing it and in paricular for her to tell me that, "you totally control me more then you know".
I am trying to think back to what I remember reading in DB (i think) when it come to ML while you are separated.
I really am thinking that sometime in the next couple of months(hopefully soon) I may want to make a move on intiating amorous physical contact with her because it surely would be a change to my sitch which could bring positive results.
I would like to get some feedback on what you readers feel about this thought of mine. ALso please steer me in the direction of where I can reread this topic in either DB or DR.
I really hope to hear some comments on this matter cause I think I may need to be trying something different. And of all the different things to try I can't think of a btter one . .LOL.
The toughest part of all this is letting go of the anger and just loving your W through all the pain. 1 Corintians 13 ... memorize it. You can do this.
It's not the last posting about the car that concerns me - that's probably just venting. But the earlier post about transporting D14. That I read as anger and pride. Dump that line of thinking today.
We have a date on our next men's group meeting - 2/19 in Nyack, NY @ 6:30 pm. It's about 2 hours from you. Email me or FaithfulH and we'll fill you in on the details. We would love to have you there. Several other first-timers expected according to the email I got. Lot's of people there to support you. We all would love to meet you.
Me - 43 and She -36. No kids. Married 7 yrs - Together 14 yrs
tomato, still haven't gone thru your thread, so the mention of anger, kinda surprised me, but on your question about initiating any physical stuff, it is a good way to reconnect, or have a connection and if you are safe about it, and definitely if it's a 180, then I say go for it. I would take it slow though, don't just try to go right for ML, but instead some other sensual things, like massage, kissing from behind on her neck, or something like that.
however, your mention of stopping her in the street at a stop light, makes me wonder how much you've really pursued her during all this time. Did that go well for you when you did it?
Just make sure your truly doing something different, and that you are WELL prepared for rejection and you will be okay with it, and just let it roll off, otherwise it's not going to work at all. It could still be a positive thing if you put a move on her and she rejects, just depends on your reaction to her rejection.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
