Let me state emphatically, that I have empathy for you, and it takes lots and lots of guts for you to show up, on this thread particularly, and talk so openly about lost feelings and 2 PAs.
Most of the folks here are those who have been abandoned physically in their Rs, and they struggle with it, daily. Maybe you can read some other threads so you can grow in your understanding of just how painful it is, on the other side.
I don't say that callously to you. I'm not known around these parts as being terribly kind or politically correct.
I've been in your shoes. I was the LD in my R. I know exactly of what you speak. I also know... sorry for being blunt... it's pretty much bunk.
Though I have complete and utter empathy for your confusion and your bafflement over your lost sex drive for your H... I can also say, as a woman who had Been There, Done That... your lost Sex Drive... those 'in love' feelings you crave... are NOT the responsibility of your H. No more than his desire for you is YOUR responsibility.
This is a hard thing to get, especially in our society of... "I want to feel good NOW." The feelings you are having for the OG... those are brain chemicals releasing in your system that make you little more than a drug addict. They are there for a reason (to help us procreate). They also go away after a time. The same desire problem you are having with your H will happen to you, again and again and again, with any man... because you are not aware of what is happening to you.
Let me say again... I understand.
But what I also came to understand was that sexual desire is not something I GET from another... it is something that is cultivated within me, and EXPRESSED with another as a reflection of how **I** feel. Long term sexual desire, in a marriage, is not DATING sexual desire. It is an expression of self, whereas DATING sexual desire is... full throttle 'let's fck. NOW.' That is not to say that you can't have those feelings in your M... you just have to find those feelings through different methods... and nothing that you have written thus far tells me that you are even remotely aware of those other routes to sexual desire. You are throwing all responsibility into your H's court... and no ONE person, man or woman, can carry that load on their own.
I applaud you, loudly, for trying to find your way. But I'm also here to tell you... bluntly (sorry), that you have got to get these blinders off your eyes, get out of the Romance Novel mind set... and OWN your sexuality. Just like anything else in a marriage, a good sex life is dependent on BOTH people's willingness to SOLVE A PROBLEM. Your half of the equation is learning to OWN your sexuality, learning how to become a sexual woman, and learning how to express that with your H. <--- That is from where your DESIRE comes. That is the well spring. And if you don't find it now, I can promise you, it will continue to BE a problem for you, time and time again.
I am only speaking from personal experience.
These people, here, can help you learn how to do that. They can give you all the help you could ever possibly want or need to find your way to that end, IF you can OWN the fact that this whole sexual desire problem is, in fact, YOUR problem.
Good/Great sex is created... it is not just handed out.
Please understand that what I am saying to you is not to be mean. I am trying very, very hard not to be my typical rip azz blunt self, and I hope I have found some measure of that.
You really are lost, I know that. There IS a way out of it, but it's not going to be easy. There are lots and lots of illusions you need to shed. IF you are willing to do that, you CAN create, with your husband, a vibrant sex life. Honest.
But no one here is going to pity you... I don't think you are looking for that... but don't be surprised when it DOESN'T come. Empathy, you will get in full measure.... IF you are ready and willing to roll up your sleeves for some hard work.
Otherwise, yes, you should go to piecing. No offense.
