HEY HEY HEY - stop beating yourself up. You wouldn't let me come down on myself so hard. DO NOT call her back, you would only do exactly what you did not want to do by letting the phone go to voicemail. And, don't try to read her mind or assume you know what she is doing. Take the motto "Don't know, don't care" and apply it. I know you miss her. I miss my H, too. I get this way often, but it goes up and down and this too shall pass, you know it will. Miss her, give yourself a good cry, and let it go for now. Just tell yourself you'll deal with it tomorrow if you still feel this way. I know that is easier said than done. But, give yourself permission to be in control of your emotions and put them aside for now, if you can. Hang in there.
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
well since she did not include it in her earlier VM to me whioch surprised me, she just left another one asking if I would help her by picking up the sponsor/foster D14 tomorrow. I knew she would try that.
She will have to be inconvenienced and make the drive to pick her up herself as I have extra flying to do tomorrow due to a Co mtg all day long.
I DONT KNOW IF I SHOULD CALL HER BACK AND IN A SHORT CONCISE TALK JUST LET HER KNOW THAT I CAN'T DO IT OR JUST LET IT GO & SHE WILL FIGURE IT OUT FOR HERSELF.
ANYONE WANNA OFFER ADVICE ON THIS ONE. I WOULD BE GRATEFUL
I THINK I OUGHTA CALL HER AND BRIEFLY LET HER KNOW, AS SHE ASKED ME TO C/B. AND I WILL BE ABLE TO MAINTAIN MY COMPOSURE & NOT BLOW MY EFFORTS (EVEN THOUGH I THINK THEY ARE IN VAIN ANYWAY)
I am finally bringing this terrible day to a close before anything else falls on my head.
After receiving two earlier VM's fm W. I finally (in no particular hurry)did get around to returning her calls.
Her first call informed me that she had followed through w/ her promise fm almost 2 months ago to remove her name fm our former joint acct. And she made reference to "I know why you are choosing not to take my calls". I am sure she presumed that I was giving her the blow off out of anger fm her having served me w/ papers 3 days ago.
The real reason why I chose not to answer her was because I felt that I was in too much of a down mood and was feeling edgey. I did not want to have her pick up on this foul mood as it would be none too attractive to her. So if anything I felt like I was doing her a favor by not answering. It was out of respect for her and also probably adheres to DB principles for me to not answer when you are in a foul mood. I just wish I could have communicated this to her. I didn't feel that it was apropriate to do so however. Anyone have any thoughts on this??
I just keep trying!!
So I called her back just to respond to her request to have me pick up sponsor/foster D14. I told her that it would not be possible this weekend for me to do it. And I further stated that if ever she wanted to call me that I am not making myself unavailable. This was an attempt to rebut her earlier presumption that she felt she knew why I refused to answer her call.
This is without a doubt the hardest thing I have ever been through in my whole life. Actually my life has been, up until now, pretty easy going.
And I would not even have to hesitate if anyone asked me if I would M my wife all over again. Yes, Yes & Yes!!
I am hoping to keep myself in contention to marry her again.
Heavenly Father I place myself before you ready to follow through with whatever plan you have for me to the best of my ability and with a smile.
Mine is a faithful kind of love A love without bounds It is a love sometimes without direction A wandering love looking for a resting place
The commitment is not hard Doubtfulness and rejection are paralyzing A rejection of faith produces pain The thought of rejection slices and cuts to my core It seems to sever something that will never heal I agonize over the thought of a life without faith Mine is not that life
I never was settling for her as she thought What a beautiful person she really is Maybe now she will discover it
saw your post on BS's and you sounded down. just stopped by to send some (((tomato)))
did you write that poem? it is really good.
I haven't gone thru your thread, but I see the new bomb, so I'm assuming that's the new struggle.
God can work thru anything, it doesn't matter how bleak or dim it may be. He wants you to be fullfilled, as well as your W. She may not be ready to come back yet, and you may not be either.
Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I just feel that because, as so many spouses do, we are speaking entirely different languages when we attempt to communicate, that I am never truly understood.
This is maddening to me. She only really knows a small portion of the love that I have for her.
Either that is a factor or else she does know the fullness of my love and just can not reciprocate because she does not feel like wise.
