Why is she sooo angry? I talked to my C about this, she said anger is the other side of depression. Might be they had repressed anger from childhood (so comes spilling out all over the place once they let it out as adults). I just wondered, do you know why shes angry, is she angry at you? At herself? At her old self? At the sitch?? Seems wierd shes so angry, I notice you have mentioned it before in your posts.
Well, I'm far from an expert, but until 3 years ago, I knew my W better than anyone. At this point, I've learned A LOT here. I've also talked intimately (not THAT way....) with a woman friend of mine who went through an MLC some time ago, and after 2 years, when her H dropped the rope and became involved with someone else, she WOKE UP all of a sudden like, (Sadly, her ex H said No-Way, too long...) She blames her D's substance abuse issues on the D, and the post D relationship w/ her ex H. She said that if she knew my W better, whe would call her and tell her what a big mistake she is making. Not that my W would hear her.
My W had a great childhood, and no problems that I know of previously.
Anyway, what I think is this.
She is lost. Just plain lost. Marriage sucks, work sucks, raising kids sucks.....
She just wants to be young, carefree, and party/fun again.
She wants that invigorating rush associated with "the new" again. She wants to talk to someone in depth the way she used to with me, to share those hopes and dreams..... but with me, you only have 15 sec. before you are interrupted by a (devilishly enchanting, smart, and witty,) urchin tugging on your sleeve.
She thinks it won't be that way with someone else. Perhaps it won't. For a few years at least.
IMHO, that anger comes from the "conscience" or whatever you want to call the part of your mind that tells you you are doing something wrong.
That little voice is telling her that she is wrong. This causes TREMENDOUS guilt. Guilt = pressure = anger for the MLCer. To justify her anger and avert the guilt / pressure, she needs me to fight with her, to be a jerk, so she can tell herself that she is doing the right thing b/c I am such an a$$.
By not allowing myself to engage her in an argument, I am (by inaction,) reinforcing that guilt, and this generates even more anger. She "knows" that I am mad at her for this, and she is even angrier w/ me for not responding that way.
The truth is that I am finally at that place where I understand her emotions a lot more, and this dissapates, not builds, anger.
She needs me to be angry to justify this D.
I played into this for so long I am embarrassed of my actions.
I'm back though, and I'm not angry now. Much.
I don't know about the childhood bit, b/c my W had a great family and upbringign, her MLC seems to be centered on "lost time." Or, I only have so much time to recapture my youth, and I need to get started on it RIGHT now.
Sad, I'm tough, hurting me is inconsequential.
Hurting our sons is something else.
Best to you Ali.
Punk.
These are my friends now!
But someday baby... You ain't worry my life anymore
Take away, take away what I don't need, save the good part please. Fade away, fade away.
