Originally Posted By: ntl I did a DUMB thing yesterday..
He said he thought he deleted everything from his computer but must have missed those. He then tried to reassure the rest of the night (and today), but I'm a little tender right now. Trying hard to live in the present though.
-- ntl, I don't think this is dumb. What this is, this is life. This is going to take a long, long time to be resolved. There will be many bumps along the way. That is good that H continues to rise to the occasion, very good. That is what you need. Your instincts are good, ntl. You can count on yourself to know when to back off.
[quote=appleroad
Let me tell you, now that H no longer has a PC/access to porn he is plenty interested, and also is no longer sniffing around OP looking for action.
Tell me about it. I find myself in a similar situation and it's nice, but it weirds me out a little when I think about it too much. But I tend to overthink...so that's something I need to work on.
-- OK, I'll tell you about it. First of all, I think you should forget about 'overthinking'. You do yourself a disservice. Thinking is good. It is emotions that will get you into trouble, feelings need to be carefully tracked and monitored but not thinking, not in my opinion. So here is what I've been thinking, ntl. Tell me if there's any resonance. I am thinking there is a direct line from porn to impotence with spouse to OW. What do you think?
Minute by minute, hour by hour.
-- Oh, tell me about it, ntl!! You wanna know what I'm doing at this very moment? I'm coming down from a private emotional dust-up with my self. I'm all packed and ready to go to Retrouvaille weekend with H. H is here and is having a nap on my couch before we leave (he's still working, poor babe, he had to work hard today to get away for this weekend. I'm next to being retired and the mistress of my own time & energy) But I digress, as usual -- what I wanted to tell you was how on the very afternoon that we leave for Retrouvaille I was absolutely plagued with thoughts about how I might not be really ever able to forgive and trust H again after EMA and everything around that, how I might never be able to live with him again. It was very acute while it lasted, but now is fading somewhat. I really do enjoy H company and expect to enjoy the evening and the weekend with him. But you are right, it is very, very hard to come back after something like this. Marriage is the spiritual path for both of us, we are learning what we came here to do.
Thank you so much for your support!
-- ntl, it is a pleasure for me to have someone to talk these things over with! [/quote]
