Piecin' for a Reason

[ntl]

ntl, I want to tell you how much I admire you for hanging in there with H, he's really a very lucky man to have someone like you on his side. I also admire you for your emotional control.

Thank you, I appreciate that. Don't believe the hype, though...I have my rough moments! In fact, I did a DUMB thing yesterday..

I was using my H's work laptop to work on our budget spreadsheet. I went to save it in his My Docs folder and in there I found a My Pics folder. I noticed a bunch of pictures in there (luckily, none of them had been accessed since June) and when I opened them, they were pictures that OW had sent to H from her cell phone camera. He'd uploaded them to his WORK (what an idiot) laptop. She was making kissy faces in some of them, posing seductively in others. It was enough to make me want to run screaming in the other direction. I deleted them and emptied his recycle bin. I asked H about them and he was very sorry. He said he thought he deleted everything from his computer but must have missed those. He then tried to reassure the rest of the night (and today), but I'm a little tender right now. Trying hard to live in the present though.

Let me tell you, now that H no longer has a PC/access to porn he is plenty interested, and also is no longer sniffing around OP looking for action.

Tell me about it. I find myself in a similar situation and it's nice, but it weirds me out a little when I think about it too much. But I tend to overthink...so that's something I need to work on.

Minute by minute, hour by hour.

Thank you so much for your support!

ntl

[appleroad]

Let me tell you, now that H no longer has a PC/access to porn he is plenty interested, and also is no longer sniffing around OP looking for action.

Tell me about it. I find myself in a similar situation and it's nice, but it weirds me out a little when I think about it too much. But I tend to overthink...so that's something I need to work on.

-- OK, I'll tell you about it. First of all, I think you should forget about 'overthinking'. You do yourself a disservice. Thinking is good. It is emotions that will get you into trouble, feelings need to be carefully tracked and monitored but not thinking, not in my opinion. So here is what I've been thinking, ntl. Tell me if there's any resonance. I am thinking there is a direct line from porn to impotence with spouse to OW. What do you think?

Minute by minute, hour by hour.

-- Oh, tell me about it, ntl!! You wanna know what I'm doing at this very moment? I'm coming down from a private emotional dust-up with my self. I'm all packed and ready to go to Retrouvaille weekend with H. H is here and is having a nap on my couch before we leave (he's still working, poor babe, he had to work hard today to get away for this weekend. I'm next to being retired and the mistress of my own time & energy) But I digress, as usual -- what I wanted to tell you was how on the very afternoon that we leave for Retrouvaille I was absolutely plagued with thoughts about how I might not be really ever able to forgive and trust H again after EMA and everything around that, how I might never be able to live with him again. It was very acute while it lasted, but now is fading somewhat. I really do enjoy H company and expect to enjoy the evening and the weekend with him. But you are right, it is very, very hard to come back after something like this. Marriage is the spiritual path for both of us, we are learning what we came here to do.

Thank you so much for your support!

-- ntl, it is a pleasure for me to have someone to talk these things over with!
[/quote]

[ntl]

OK, I'll tell you about it. First of all, I think you should forget about 'overthinking'. You do yourself a disservice. Thinking is good. It is emotions that will get you into trouble, feelings need to be carefully tracked and monitored but not thinking, not in my opinion. So here is what I've been thinking, ntl. Tell me if there's any resonance. I am thinking there is a direct line from porn to impotence with spouse to OW. What do you think?

I think you make a lot of sense. As I have watched H these past few weeks and spoken with him about what he was going through during those months with OW, he consistenly says that the line from porn to OW was a straight one. She was the same as the porn. He'd objectified her just as he had the women in the porn. Once he realized what he was doing (after the A was over and he was in IC and SAA), he was able to begin unraveling the threads that were binding him. And he had totally compartmentalized that part of himself. In fact, in the last few weeks of his A, he was being an awesome H; caring, loving, and seemingly recommited to the M.

This week, H is in Atlanta at a work event. He's a marketer and is rolling a new marketing messaging campaign to several other of the marketing leaders at his company. I miss him and he misses me...we'll be apart for Valentine's Day, but will be together again on Friday.

The hardest times are when we are apart, because he's not there to reassure me. But I find that these are good times, too. Because I am forced to rely on myself to shake myself out of my doldrums. I don't want to have to constantly rely on him for that. Building that over-dependence is not healthy.

Regards,

ntl

[cat03]

what are your GAL plans? if I didnt' have the kids I would've gone to karaoke with some friends if H and I wouldnt' have gone out for v-day on Monday. Find those friends you've lost contact with, have dinners, lunches, etc etc (I'm scheduling a lunch in 2wks with another friend I haven't seen in months)

Keep busy hon)))))

[ntl]

what are your GAL plans? if I didnt' have the kids I would've gone to karaoke with some friends if H and I wouldnt' have gone out for v-day on Monday. Find those friends you've lost contact with, have dinners, lunches, etc etc (I'm scheduling a lunch in 2wks with another friend I haven't seen in months)

Keep busy hon)))))

No kidding. This summer, before I knew about the A and thought things were just bad, I was a GAL master. I went out, met, and made lots of new friends. I was going to the gym, taking bellydancing classes, and generally just having a good time.

I'm still hanging out with my friends (will be going over to a girlfriend's place on V-day for a girl's dinner, and we get together often) but I am not GALing like I need to be.

SO. NO MORE FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF!!! It's GAL or bust.

Thanks for the 2x4, cat. I needed it.

ntl